My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7

[ovrrnbw]

Hello friends,

Over, curious if your W ever told you why she chose to end the A? Was it because she likes your 180s? Felt loss from you letting her go and moving on? Did the OM stop pursuing her? Your actions or something else?

No. I didn't really ask. She said she just really loved me. Her and I had a lot of passion in the beginning of our R that carried us a long way and things really regressed from there over the years. I don't think the OM stopped. My actions were just simple and hard LRT. No pursuit. If you do that for several months it changes things. When she started pursuing me but flip flopping it made things hard on me and I went no contact. That means I wouldn't answer or return a call or text from her. I intentionally would not come home so I couldn't see her. I stayed out all night a couple of times with a friend. Or, on the rare occassion my W was home, I'd come home late like 10:30 or 11 PM and go straight to bed. Then I'd wake up early and get on out the door. But every time she came back I had a hard time being strong. That was my struggle the whole time and even today in ways.

Hi Ovrrnbw, it's great to see your update! I'm so glad you and your wife are hanging in there together. It seems you made it past the crisis point and not only are you stronger and wiser but you're still married and together with your wife. That's a major achievement! I hope the 4th with your dad goes as well as possible. Sometimes you simply need to tolerate the other person's presence and persevere. Sometimes not engaging much and just keeping things superficial is the best you can do.

Hi Nicole, thanks for checking in on me! I am at a breaking point with dad.

When are you both starting MC?

I have no plans of asking her about this. We are making repairs and learning new things on our own. I am just not going to ask about it b/c I think it is too formal, too something that I can't describe.

The big thing going on is with my relationship with my dad. We like to go to the lake a lot. My family and my W's family. And both families have houses there. My Dad and I co-own a boat from 7 years ago. We used to co-own and co-pay for it with my brother. Everyone sent their part of the payment to my dad. About 5 years ago, my brother decided, without group approval, that he wasn't going to pay for the boat anymore. My dad hid it from me for 6 months or so. My dad then went on to allow my brother to use the boat whenever he wanted over the years, usually 2 or 3 times a year when I wasn't at the lake. I always got pissed at my dad about this. My dad always tried to find a way to justify it. This has been a big deal for a long time.

Back in July, we were hanging with my Dad. My Dad asks about helping my sister move on the first weekend in August. Since we would have to stay home for parties the 2 prior weekends, I ask him to ask her about doing it on a weeknight as she doesn't have much to move or far to go, she is 25 and just starting out. A couple weeks later my dad asks me if I can help him on the Saturday again. I ask him if he asked about a weeknight. He replies "can't I just give up one Saturday in my life"?. I just reiterated that it wouldn't take long and I wanted to go to the lake. Well the week of her move he drops into my office unannounced to TELL me that my brother will be going to the lake and using the boat. I'm like WTF.

Backstory on my brother: we had a fight about 5 years ago. He left me at the lake, 2.5 hours away from home b/c he thought I owed him $10. I moved out of his house, he said I owed him $200 b/c I left my car there for a week or two after I moved out. We had no written rental agreement. My brother threatened to shut my phone off b/c we were on a family plan. Then he shut the phone off. I then got my own service. He got a cancellation fee and expected me to pay it or rejoin the family plan. I refused. My FIL repaired his roof for an insurance claim during all this, as he had agreed prior. My brother banked over $5,000 b/c he got a special deal from my FIL. My W and I were just dating at this time. And ever since then my brother has been avoiding me. There's more to that story but that's enough for now.

So back to my dad, he and I refi'd the boat last winter to take my brother off. My dad came to schmooze me and tell me how it was going to be. I finally had enough. I ask him if he respects me and sees me as an equal partner. He wouldn't answer. I asked again, no answer. Finally, I told him that I was an equal partner and he needed to treat me as such. I told him that I don't approve of my brother using the boat. My brother, besides being an ahole, is an ex partner who got out the wrong way and wants to cake eat on the boat 2 or 3 times a year. My dad doesn't see my brother much either, so he's always trying to manipulate him back into his life. And my dad was trying to manipulate my sister's move to avoid everything.

So I got down to the lake the first weekend in August and the boat was gone. My brother and his GF had taken it and docked it at a condo dock for a few nights. I was pissed. My brother's gf knows my brother is not an owner or payor on the boat and should not be on it. I messaged her to let her now that I was going to look for the boat and pull it out of the water and put it on the trailer if I found it. But I didn't, and my brother and his GF got to use the boat while I did not. I had a huge fight with my dad. Then we went to my in laws lake house and tried to make the best of the weekend. On Sunday, I went to my dad's lake house, hooked up the trailer and pulled out my boat. I put it in storage for the time being. I'm pretty pissed at my dad. I have blocked his phone. My dad showed up to my office on the following Monday demanding to talk. I wouldn't let him in, so he threatened my W. W doesn't report her nanny income and gets paid cash so he made an insinuation about the IRS. I haven't talked to him yet. But my plan is to buy or sell the boat and not speak to my dad any more. I'm ready to jump off the roller coaster he is always going to keep me on.

I know this was a ton and I know it may not all make perfect sense, sorry everyone.