Hope... a couple of things stood out for me in the recent posts. The first is what you referred to as your H putting a layer of leaves (OW) to cushion his fall to rock bottom. That is EXACTLY what my XH did. He used her to avoid facing himself and he is still doing it only he thinks it is true love. It isn’t. Not sure my XH is capable of really loving someone else as he does not love himself. He loves her because he gets to be whoever he wants to be in her presence and he has convinced himself that he is a new man. He is not. He is the same person who is trying to take a short cut to healing. It will only work for so long. You can’t divorce yourself. The second thing is your H’s “I’m a piece of sh*t” comments. My XH made many of those to me but they did not come from a place of remorse. You are correct, I think. Your H’s comments are not about being accountable but more about making excuses and claiming helplessness over his own behaviour. Sad and very “victim-like”. You deserve better. xo
