Exactly. I don't think your H is doing this intentionally, but as long as he thinks this way he will never be able to address his issues.
I know you feel some anger towards your H about this. It's really common to think "Why won't person X just change?" I hope you can view his behavior not as a cop-out, but just as an issue that he has not yet fully recognized is blocking him from becoming a healthier person. That way, HIS problem is not affecting YOUR emotions, and you can let go of some of the anger.
I'm suggesting more of an empathic stance, recognizing his toxic shame prevents him from having healthy relationships. Perhaps it will help you heal somewhat. Maybe he will have an aha moment and make changes. It's really not your problem.
As a side note, recognizing the difference between shame and remorse is really helpful when dealing with apologies (and also has taught me how to be much more honest and authentic with other people when apologizing to them). One of the other components of someone really owning up to their behavior is if they ask YOU how you are feeling about their transgression. "I'm really sorry I hurt you, I imagine you are kind of angry at me. Are you willing to share more about your feelings?"
