Big day today with both MC and then a financial consult.
I don't think I can pack everything into a single post.
MC highlights:
- The tiff last night seems to have resolved by me taking no further action. Old UC would have tried to smooth things over this morning. My W recognized she was triggered and it was reasonable for me to say "no" to her request. She still had a little resentment, thinking she deserved it because she had given me something in the past. I held my ground. Inside I thought "That's a covert contract!!"
- We talked about where to go next in MC. My W said she's not ready to dig deeper in MC to work through her feelings about the past several years. Her feelings are clearly authentic, she was not acting. At my turn I said I also have issues I would want to work on with her, but I felt until we work on her feelings first that we will not make any progress. My W said she needs to focus on IC and really dig into her feelings, as she apparently has spent most of her IC sessions dealing with the logistics of the S. I can't blame her, I've done a lot of the same in IC. Our MC pressed her, and pointed out maybe this suggested she needed to deal with individual issues that have nothing to do with me. She agreed. It was a little bit surreal sitting there.
- I decided to open up a little. That could be a whole other post. I felt really good about it, I felt authentic, I felt real, I felt calm, and I had no expectations. I just said I'm going to keep working on myself, for my own sake and for all my relationships in my life. I hoped one day my W would be willing to work on the MR, and for now I am here for her, but I'm looking forward to all the positive things I'm working on and feel like I'm making great progress. I was really positive about it -- it's really easy to be positive when you actually feel positive, so this was easy for me.
- My W remarked how calm I seem lately, and that she notices the changes. Again, I'm not making them for her, but it was validating to be noticed. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing.
Financial:
This is more boring. We are going to run a "what would temporary spousal support look like today?" (using the state calculator) just so we each have an idea. We are also going to establish separate bank and credit accounts for personal expenses. I am excited about this one... tired of having petty conflict about how much she spent on her hair or how much I spent on dinner with a friend. It was weird to be talking about all these scenarios without much emotion.
After the 2 sessions W and I were swapping car seats between our cars. She gave me a really tight goodbye hug. I don't know what it means, and don't really care, but I found it noteworthy and weird. That's all.
In short, we are stopping MC for a few weeks because we aren't working on the MR. We both see what's holding us up. All I can do is keep working on myself. Maybe my W will make some progress and be willing to work together again. Maybe not. Maybe she will want out. I have no idea. Just gotta keep plugging on.
Overall I'm completely exhausted, need a good night's sleep.
