OM Backed Out

[tadpole1025]

Thank you Gerda.

Your parents divorced, and you found a safe loving home with your grandma. Then you have to deal with this stepdad who doesn't get how beautiful and fragile your heart is, how full of love you are, and he brutalizes that openness of your heart by telling you that a man doesn't love like that.

Yes, my parents divorced when I was 4. My mom ran off with another man who later became my stepdad. It was rough at times. I was never really close to my biological dad. Living with him was never an option really until I was older. (Not sure he would have wanted it anyway because he had a brand new wife.) With my mom and stepdad, we were always moving every 2 years or so. Once my mom and stepdad were married, we moved from Arizona to California, to Germany, to California, to Arizona, to California and back to Arizona all from the ages of 4-17. My grandma was really my only rock, but only when we were in the same state. My stepdad would call me a wus, pu$$y, wimp, girl....whatever if I showed any type of emotion. He even made fun of me for being left-handed. Said I was uncoordinated. I became afraid to do anything because I lacked confidence. After all, I was uncoordinated. (My grandma was also left-handed and she was the one who taught me how to draw.) To this day, I have a confidence problem. And yes, I became afraid to show feelings. The childhood was unstable. As I've said before, my grandma and XW seemed to be the only stable things in my life....

I've actually heard of the book that you mentioned. Maybe I'll check it out.

You have a beautiful, open, fragile, loving heart. Most women dream of finding a man with a heart like that. Don't give up on that heart, it's not your enemy. It's the best part of you and it wasn't allowed to love the way it wanted.

Thank you for the very nice words. Would you believe that my XW pretty much said the same thing as she was leaving? "You have a wonderful heart. You're one of the rare good ones and will make someone very happy someday."

Her words. Apparently, it wasn't good enough for her though.

I wouldn't say that I've given up or hardened my heart, I'm just very cynical....I trust nobody these days. Seems like the only things that won't stab you in the back or let you down are animals which is why I seem to enjoy their company more than people. I've lost faith in most people.



Tad