Divorce/WAW due to my infidelity Part 2

[crdcheck]

Yep, just disappointing. I really laid myself out to him (and my MIL), the good, the bad, the ugly.

Well that's on you. You should absolutely not have done that. Now if you're embarrassed about it, well that's one of the reasons you shouldn't have done it. Don't blame FIL, blame yourself for that.

I don't blame anyone and I'm not mad that he's taken her side, I'm frustrated that they all take this holier than thou stance but are blind to their own actions. Whatever, there's a reason it's in the book to not talk to in-laws, etc., and you are right that I shouldn't have

They are W's parents, not yours. You can bet they hate being in this awkward position, they wish they could support you but they can't without potentially alienating their D.

And I'd be fine if all they did was validate me ("yeah, that [censored]"). MIL is fine to me, FIL was fine even a few weeks ago (didn't mind that I took one of his other grandkids out for the day with D3 while he, W, and MIL went shopping for W's new place). Hypocrisy hits a nerve with me.

Part of me wants to say that, if he can't play nice then he's not welcome at events I'm hosting. I'm not asking to be friends but he's essentially refusing to acknowledge my existence then he's not welcome in my home.

You do that then you are basically confirming to them that you are a jerk not deserving of their support or their D. TAKE THE MORAL HIGH ROAD. Always conduct yourself with dignity and respect, no matter what. People will have no choice but to respect you if you can stick to that. This "revenge" attitude has got to go, in the end it will hurt you more than anyone else.

Hear you loud and clear. I was seeing it more as excising some bad vibes from my life but I can see how it would be seen as a sort of revenge thing.

Then dial it back. No one said you have to be out of the house every day!

Thanks for the advice. I may have been overcoming my bias to maintain a friend-like relationship with W and also be a bit of a lump. I mean, I do a lot and wanted to spend as much time as possible with D3 but it adds up. I think that it will be easier with W not home. No more coordination...

My opinion is if the request is well and truly coming from D then do it. But don't make it contingent on your W being there.

Makes sense. I'm not sure how this all plays out. D3 is definitely more mommy-oriented than daddy so it may feel kind of one-sided (D3 wants to include mom when she's with me, doesn't mention me when she's with mom). And one thing I'm looking forward to is not having W standing over my shoulder all the time (plus D3 regularly demanding to spend 1:1 time w/ W rather than time as a family or just me).

I do agree 100% with the idea that it will be "hey, I'm doing X, you are welcome to join" and then going (and enjoying time w/ D3) regardless. I'm not doing anything just for W at this moment.

Thanks for the advice. Tough day, probably a tough week. That leads to over (and under) thinking. Looking forward to getting rid of some of the ambiguity so I can concentrate more on myself and my daughter.