Your first point is well made but while I have portrayed the crappiness in our R this happened after we had just enjoyed a 10 day holiday together. We Had a stunning 2 weeks after she dropped the bomb because I had woken up from my drunken stupor and realised what I wanted.
To her this is all "too little too late". She thinks her mind is made up and she's done for good. That's only a reflection of how she feels right now, her feelings may very well change with time. But for now she's quite sure she's done, and this is why we say don't temp check. So yes you are confused because you got BD'd and then had a good time with her, but that's actually pretty typical WAS (and yes I know she's not your spouse but this is the shorthand we use around here) behavior. She did it so she could say she "tried everything".
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I have smartened up my act and was fortunate enough to do it visibly before she left. I've lost 18 lb, I made her feel loved and we have spoken more intimately than ever. I've regained the energy I used to have to complete tasks in my life and shown an ability to meet some emotional needs that were unsatisfied. In summary we have enough in common to be good friends and I have demonstrated a commitment that was missing.
That's all great, but don't engage in pursuit behavior and don't expect a fast turnaround on her part. These things take time!
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The poem was my first ever. The notes were concise and clearly stated my commitment and new attitudes.
Our advice on poems, letters, songs, etc. is by all means write them. Write them to her! It can be therapeutic. But DON'T give them to her!
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I risked invading her head space which made her angry but she forgave me when we discussed it
I'm not saying it's a negative but I don't see it as a positive. More like "neutral". You said something that offended her, and now you've smoothed it over so that's good.
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The notes she wrote while angry were obviously for me and she pretended she didn't want me to see them although she brought them to my house and let me photocopy them.
So she gave you a laundry list of things she finds better about OM than you. And... you see that as a good thing? I'm all for optimism but I think it may be a bit misplaced here!
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She wouldn't care about my dating if she really thought she was moving on
My XW has a saying- "she doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either." That's where her head is right now. She wants to have her fling with OM and make a new life with him. But at the same time she wants you to wait in the wings in case it doesn't work out. You DO NOT want to be Plan B. Once you establish yourself as Plan B you are stuck there.
