Yep, just disappointing. I really laid myself out to him (and my MIL), the good, the bad, the ugly.
Well that's on you. You should absolutely not have done that. Now if you're embarrassed about it, well that's one of the reasons you shouldn't have done it. Don't blame FIL, blame yourself for that.
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They'd said that they feel like I'm a son. All I wanted from them was to take a balanced view, help us to navigate our relationship, whatever form it would be.
They are W's parents, not yours. You can bet they hate being in this awkward position, they wish they could support you but they can't without potentially alienating their D.
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Part of me wants to say that, if he can't play nice then he's not welcome at events I'm hosting. I'm not asking to be friends but he's essentially refusing to acknowledge my existence then he's not welcome in my home.
You do that then you are basically confirming to them that you are a jerk not deserving of their support or their D. TAKE THE MORAL HIGH ROAD. Always conduct yourself with dignity and respect, no matter what. People will have no choice but to respect you if you can stick to that. This "revenge" attitude has got to go, in the end it will hurt you more than anyone else.
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Honestly, I just want to come home a night or two, heat up a pizza, and watch some TV. I'm meeting up with people 7 days/week and it takes a lot out of me (I'm a natural introvert).
Then dial it back. No one said you have to be out of the house every day!
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Another question re: D3 - if she wants something that I don't, how do I decide what to do? For example, as someone pointed out earlier, I am going to miss our time as a family more than my time w/ W, and if D3 wants all of us to go to the pool together part of me likes the idea and wants to do what D3 wants. Another part of me sees this as cake eating for my W, that she shouldn't get the benefits of an H unless she is being a W. Where do I draw the line?
My opinion is if the request is well and truly coming from D then do it. But don't make it contingent on your W being there. For example, this would be pursuit:
You- W, how would you like to go to the pool? D will be there, I thought it would be nice. W- No thanks. You- Oh (pouts, doesn't go)
This is not pursuit:
You- W, D and I are going to the pool and she asked me to invite you. You are welcome to join if you wish. W- No thanks. You- OK, no problem. (goes to pool with D).
Do you understand the difference? Michele addresses this in DR. It's OK to ask her along if you're doing something with D, as long as you go whether W goes or not.
