Very sorry you have to go through all of this. If your W had a shred of decency then she would have felt shame and humiliation when you walked on in her standing there in her bra with phone in hand. Did she feel that way? Who knows. But it's not worth your time to dwell on. In your W's eyes the two of you are already divorced, so she thinks she is free to start her GGW lifestyle. As the others said, confronting her about it is just wasted effort on your part. She's going to do what she's going to do no matter what you say.
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1) What do I do/say about pictures of us? I don't want W to throw them out but I don't want to look needy
Ask her if she wants them. I would be blown away if she does, but it's the polite thing to do. If she says no then take them. If she asks what you're doing with them just tell her it's not her concern since she doesn't want them.
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2) I'm all about GALing but I'm also tired of being out all the time. How much "hang out" time is reasonable?
The idea of GAL is to get your mind off of things. Occupy yourself. It's good to get out of the house but you don't HAVE to. I took up building models and R/C planes, I had my own area set up in the house for that. I mean I did a lot of out-of-the-house GAL as well, but it wasn't all one or the other, it was a mix.
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3) Is continuing to wear my ring a sign of pursuit?
No. It's your choice. A lot of people continue to wear their ring while standing.
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4) How much should I talk to W going forward? This detaching thing really seems like it's getting frosty. Our chances will be very limited once she moves out and especially once we start our custody arrangement. If she says nothing to me do I just ignore her?
Not initiating contact is NOT ignoring her. If she doesn't contact you then there's a 99.9% chance it's because she doesn't want to talk to you OR hear from you. So leave her be. If she pings you then go ahead and reply, but don't get drawn into long convos. As far as detaching getting frosty, read Sandi's rules. Use those are your guidelines for how to behave. It is not at all about being cold and indifferent, it's just giving her space but being polite and businesslike when you're around her.
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5) How should I act around W and her in-laws? I don't plan to see them much but they will come to D3's birthday party in Sept and, because it's my weekend with D3, I'm hosting. I don't want to keep anyone from D3 (she loves them) but I also don't want to be receiving the chill from my FIL
Be warm and friendly to them. NO R TALKS AT ALL though. If they open that door then quickly and politely close it in their face.
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All in all I'm worried that by DBing is playing into her narrative - that all I care about is myself (me being assertive) and that I just want to go out (hanging with my brother, etc.). Even working out is probably seen as me just trying to look good.
You'll learn to quit worrying about what they think. It quite honestly doesn't matter one bit. What they think is no reflection on who you are, and what they think does not factor into your W's decisions one bit. They have two choices as parents- support her decisions or try to talk some sense into her. If they choose the former they will continue to have a relationship with her. If they choose the latter she will likely cut them out of her life. So OF COURSE they are going to choose the former. That's no reflection on you, that's just what parents do.
