Thanks IW. Navigating this separation with loving or friendly detachment is almost impossible.
I am in the same boat as you. I am also doing all that I can to be friendly/cordial. I have seen minimal results. She isn't as confused or all over the map as when I was pursuing - maybe that's a good thing. Or maybe their mind gets made up that they've made their decision and that's that. Getting into their heads is always a mistake.
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The NGS emotions are flooding back. Anxiety first and foremost. I'm more nervous about having said "No" than about all the other things I said. It signals to me I have work to do... I am grateful that I recognize the anxiety flooding back and that I need to just pause and let it sit. It may take an hour, a day, a week to resolve... I just need to let it be.
Yes. I am right with you. I also have work to do.
Been cycling in and out of old pattern anxiety/panic mode for almost 5 days now. It cycles throughout the day. Breaking it is proving very difficult this time. I don't know why and it doesn't make sense - my sit is a year in. Why now? I ask myself that and then the spinning starts.
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There is a tinge of R hope mixed in to these emotions. But more strongly than R hope, I feel nervous about my W potentially retaliating in the future. "You didn't let me have the kids that one weekend so blah blah blah." And again my old NGS comes back and wants to resolve the nervousness and anxiety by capitulating. Conflict avoidance. Fear. I feel like a coward. Crudely speaking I need to get my b@lls back.
Yeah the nerves suck. Meditation mostly helps. The rest is telling yourself you won't e like this forever. But, like me, I think you've got to accept that it's a part of who you are.
I was having a conversation with someone a while ago about childhood development issues and they agreed that these things can be managed and dealt with, but they never truly go completely away. We just learn how to handle them and recognize the patterns when they start to show themselves.
I am glad you have some R hope - i think thats ok and part of what standing is. Unfortunately I have zero R hope at the moment. If anything I am expecting a rapid worsening soon. Call it intuition or a gut feeling. I am preparing for a huge bomb again and am guarded like a MF right now.
I can see you struggling with NGS still. Keep going man, even if you stumble, its ok. This is coming from those of us who have very little chance right now.
