Persistent Endurance (Part 5)

[curtis7]

Curt,

IMO, the conversation about her infidelity will be a difficult one no matter how you approach it. She doesn't know that you know all the details that you do. Once she finds out, she will take it extremely hard. I don't know what her response will be, but I'm 100% sure It won't be what you expect. Especially if she believes you only know certain things.

If you get to Rville and her infidelity is disclosed, she might feel attacked. It's my advice to disclose before she goes and let it be her choice to still go to Rville. are not go.

You are still to attached you don't want to disclose because you want to get her to Rville, to me that is a really selfish statement and it's all about you. Your W has free choice, and going to Rville needs to be her CHOICE and not your manipulation. Because, that's how she will feel if you go there and bring up OM without giving her a chance to decide on her own if she want to go under the condition that she is an adulterous. Most Rville has a little bit of religious aspect to it and bringing her there, disclosing what you know and then opening up about your feelings, will feel like a mountain coming down on top of her.

You are still trying to control your sitch. You need to let go and allow her to come to you from a place of honesty and transparency. Right now, you and her have too much under the rug and in the closet.

Too me your mindset is not set up in the right way. You are way too worried about losing her. You keep saying, "If I tell her what I know, it will push her away". Guess what she is already gone. You need to change you mindset to be, "In order to have a chance of getting my W back and having a happy M, I must command respect". That means you must tell her what you know, lay it all out and move forward. Be a man that can walk in truth and hold people accountable when they have wronged you. Right now you are not that man.

Stop thinking about losing your wife, because all your actions have been in prevention of losing her. And start thinking about gaining respect, and that will put you in a place and have you acting in a way that gives you the best chance of winning your W back.

Joe

I’m really struggling today going back and forth on 3 options:
1) Attend Rville at the end of Sept without discussing her A’s beforehand
2) Disclose to her that I know she’s still having PAs
3) Confront her with my speech that I’m moving forward and ready to proceed with the D process.

The A’s are so painful, it’s the most cruel thing a person can do to their S IMO. It hurts so bad knowing she’s giving herself to OM and lying and gaslighting me about it. I’ve been thinking often over the past couple months that I just want the pain to go away. Loving detachment is so difficult with affairs.

Here are my thoughts on each path:
1) I can put my blinders on and make it to Rville, perhaps her PAs blow up in the meantime. This is the time and space approach. I still go into Rville without her knowing what I know and it will be apparent fairly quickly there if she is being honest. I would be relying on a miracle happening there.
2) I see two outcomes, we rapidly move towards the D legal process or we finally have an honest discussion about her choices and she may still be willing to attend Rville. I see the latter highly unlikely based on where she’s at right now.
3) This route effectively ends my stand and allows me to move forward with some respect for myself. I suppose Rville is a possibility if she has a change of heart during the D process.

I’m contemplating if I’ll regret it in the future if she was willing to try Rville and I did something that changed her mind about going. Always asking myself the question what if we had gone. We all wish we had the answers to know which choices to make that won’t self-sabotage our DBing goals.

Just not a good day for me emotionally. I don’t want to make an impulsive decision, but the pain is getting to me today.

Fortunately the kids are with me this weekend and I can pour out my love on them and take solace that they actually welcome and appreciate it compared to my WW.

I’m coaching S8’s baseball team in a tournament this weekend. He hit a walkoff triple in the first game and homered twice in the second. WW showed up 45 minutes late for the first game. First tournament she attended all summer, but she was only there in body as she spent almost all her time on her phone. Sometimes I wish she would just stay away, out of sight, out of mind.