My Story

[LB55]

So to define it a bit better...the affair in and of itself isn't a deal breaker.

The conditions you state are related to possible reconciliation...things she would have to do before you'd consider remaining in the marriage. Getting a new job and ending the A are conditions before you'd reconcile? Nice to think about but there is a ton of hard work to be done before you're there though. Lots of denial, hand wringing, hurtful words, relapses, etc...its a marathon for you that may still end in D. Is your goal to keep the marriage together?

She probably isn't just going to go 'ok! that is a great idea H!' and end her affair and get a new job and possibly move somewhere new when you tell her that is what it will take. I don't think that is a good conversation to have; just know your conditions if the situation ever gets to that point. Its still her decision.

Should have, would have, could have...its in the past brother...you could have told on her years ago...it likely would have just resulted in going deeper into secrecy. Focus on the now, and making yourself a better man.

There are probably actions you could take against her AP and so forth and out them publicly...would it fix the issue is the question? Or would it make it worse?