Just journaling...H just came to pick up D4. I’m trying to transition out of my recent cold/angry manner toward him. It’s hard in practice, but also because I can’t decide if it’s right for me. Though when I think about it, I realize the only reason cold/angry feels “right” is because I worry that if I’m not that I’m letting him off the hook somehow. And that’s not being detached. If I were detached there would be no hook to keep him on. So I think I might have answered this question as I posted about it here, haha. I should fake kind detachment until it becomes real...I think? THIS IS HARD. I’ve done a bit of reading on Nice Guy Syndrome as well as on Negative Sentiment Overdrive (if I’m remembering it correctly). Both are most definitely at play in this situation. That may or may not matter at all, but there is something comforting about seeing what you are experiencing written out and identified. And something heart breaking about it as well. It makes it seem more solvable, “if only...” which is not a helpful line of thinking. Detach detach detach detach.
