The threatening undertone of a custody battle is ever-present. I can't just drop MC right now. I think it would be unwise.
However, I can go into it understanding it is what it is. It is not MC. As LH19 put it, this is "Child Safety Class" for now until my W shows me otherwise.
I know it might seem like that, but it's only bc we see what you're going through emotionally and we all know it [censored]. Big time.
There are many sides to every individual's story. We see your side of it but I'm sure there are many nuances that are not shared here. You know what's best in regards to your kids - you seem like a great dad - and if you need to do that to secure time with them then that's what you need to do.
I would consider putting any thoughts of Recon or her changing her tune in MC (at least regarding the old MR) on the back burner. Too little time has passed. Trust me - I'm going on month 12 and it's only slightly stabilized. Sort of, sometimes.
I would recommend more detachment and getting much stronger if this "MC" is to continue. Prepare for a BD every session - you'll be much better off.
Like you told me - prevent her from sending you reeling as much as possible.
Stay strong, man!
Thanks IW for reeling me back in =)
My frustration is in the waffling. I feel like there are 3 paths: D, MR 2.0, and continued S/Limbo. The absolute worst is the last one. The other 2 I know I can deal with. I just want to get moving on with life sometimes.
I need to refocus on meditation, perhaps increase the time. It is helping, but the last few days sent me reeling a bit and I need to regain my focus.
No problem, U.
Take a breath. Take 4 deep ones in a row. I do this several times a day when my mind starts spinning and I don't have time for meditation. It helps to center me.
I think they recommend not to go to MC with someone who doesn't want to work on the M because it protects the LBS from repeatedly getting beaten down with a series of mini-BDs spaced out at regular intervals.
It wears on a person, and if your S is truly going through a MLC or depression or whatever, then the time frame required for this to pass (if it does) is much much longer than any of us have anticipated. In order to (maybe perhaps one day far in the future) try to restart a new MR without the LBS getting fed up with being gaslit all the time, the LBS has to do all that is possible to avoid getting triggered, or letting the MLCer see the LBS in a negative light.
I'm viewing my sit differently. I'm buying time by not talking about the MR (which is dead anyway), not initiating conversations, not mind-reading, not questioning Ws actions, and basically just leaving her alone to be herself and think for herself.
Is it what I want to do? Absolutely not. Is it what i have to do to protect myself as much as possible and avoid more BDs while W works her own [censored] out? Absolutely.
If you don't want D and you can't have MR2.0, then you have limbo. It's not really a choice, it is what you are stuck with. For now.
It won't be like this forever. It's too unstable.
I recommend you take yourself out of the equation as much as possible.
I can't help with what to do with kids because I don't have any. But the vets with kids probably would know of other options than MC for securing time with them if that's what you are worried about.
