Max, going dark is kind of a last-resort-after-the-last-resort move. It's more to help the LBS detach and drop the rope, it's not really a marriage-saving technique. When you're under the same roof you can't really do it, so just read Sandi's rules every day and model your behavior after those.
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I am generally focused on letting her talk and validate, without arguing.
Great! Have you read the validation thread? Just make sure you fully understand what validation is. It's not parroting "yes you are right" to everything she says. I'm not saying you're doing that, but a lot of people do and think they are validating and don't understand why it makes their spouse so angry.
Like Ovr said, skip the MC. She'll just use it as an excuse to force S and/ or D.
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I don’t think I’m bucking them, but I have questions about application.
What are your questions? I didn't see any in your previous posts.
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Emotional detachment is part of the solution to that...choosing not to react to her emotional infidelity despite the pain it causes.
When you say you're choosing not to react, are you two just motoring on like all is fine in your M? Because I wouldn't do that. As long as she is engaging in affairs whether physical or emotional, you should detach and give her time and space and refuse to play house with her. I mean you are under the same roof, but that doesn't mean you should be doing everything together.
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The 180s I’ve pulled have really gotten her attention...and also made her mad by challenging her picture of who I am.
Changes usually do make the WAS mad. That's one of the reasons we say this is a marathon. Stick to your changes and in the long term she'll start to believe them. In the short term she sees them as tricks or "too little too late".
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GAL is tough because I already had one...I never lost my individuality in marriage. But I do have some areas to grow in this area, but I must balance it with my kids.
GAL is mainly to take your mind off of things. It can involve the kids, take them to a movie, or go fly a kite at the park or walk the dog or whatever. Just get out of the house and do something to occupy your mind.
