U,I think part of your problem is you are taking the term "marriage counseling" literally when it is clearly not what it is right now and most likely ever. Again, you have made this way to easy for her to disassemble the family unit. This gives her the ability to tell your family and children down the road that you tried MC and it didn't work. Only you will know that it's all a bunch of bs.
You are right that I take the term "MC" literally.
My frustration is two-fold:
1. The "child safety" issue - There is an implicit threat that my W may at any time decide I have made a decision that endangers the children. So I feel forced to go to MC for the time being. I want to establish another month or two of regular timesharing.
I want to avoid a custody battle if it comes down to it. Establishing a regular pattern of timesharing now is in my best interest. This feels like I also have to "put up" with the repeated discussions on child safety and my inferiority as a parent in MC.
2. The "not working on the MR" issue - We went to MC last year. I would say we were "working on the MR" more then, but even then week to week it was confusing if we were making progress.
One thing I don't care about as much is whether I am enabling my W to tell family and kids that we tried everything and it didn't work. I'm not interested in fighting for hearts and minds. I know my kids love me and in many ways this separation is bringing us closer together.
Originally Posted by LH19
As far as her feelings being the only thing that matters. Welcome to the world of the LBS. In time you will realize that life is to short to be constantly reminded how horrible of a person you are. Right now you are the young child touching the stove "hot" how about now "hot" now "hot" but you'll learn unfortunately it takes time.
Thanks for bringing me back to center here. You are right.
I brought up yesterday in MC this point -- that the constant negative feedback wears on me. I followed that up by saying I would be positive regardless on focus on making myself a better person and father. I did not say husband.
To your stove analogy -- yep, I keep getting triggered. The kid safety issue triggers me more than anything else. And she keeps going back to that same button and mashing it over and over and over and over. I need to work on this, avoiding the trigger response.
