Maybe I know what to do 6

[sandi2]

Well, at least you weren't out in public while she was venting to the top of her voice.

I once worked under extreme stress, and the way I coped was to vent. I felt as though nobody cared what was going on, or how it was affecting me. So, every evening I would come home from work and immediately go into describing the situation at work. Then one day my H told me in so many words that he was sick of hearing about it. That hurt my feelings.

Three hours is a long time to listen to word vomit. That's almost an entire evening's worth of vomit. It must have been so difficult for you, while thinking about your anniversary and hoping for a different type of evening with your W.

I would guess that she doesn't realize, or care, that her voice gets louder & louder. It's part of vomiting her stress. When she finally stops, how is her demeanor? What about you? Does it affect you?

For me, I was needing validation. My H would just keep watching TV. However, I never went on for three hours! She may have broken a record. Does she vent while the family is having dinner? How do the kids react?

It’s amazing how my brain works. When in a bad mood. It zooms in on the bad and blocks all the good things. When I’m in a good mood it’s opposite.

What determines your moods, Oz?

When I look at my own personal progress it’s the same as my view of her. There is some progress. But my perspective is skewed. I’m not all mr melts man. I’ve got some control over myself now. I’m starting to enjoy GAL. I’m starting to be ok with the prospect of living alone. Then it hits me that maybe I’m ok with these things because she haven’t left yet. Maybe I haven’t progressed as much as I thought. I’m starting to enjoy GAL. But deep down. I really don’t want to. I don’t want to go out by myself. I want to come home to my fam. Kiss the wife hug my son play with the dog eat supper and cuddle with the wife on the couch and then wrastle with the boy before bed. My gut still bucks at GAL. then I don’t deny that me actually thinking the things I am shows tremendous improvement

I think that perhaps most LBS's go through this struggle. They don't want to go out and GAL, but rather stay as near to their spouse as possible. They want to cling to the old familiar patterns, b/c the thought of losing it.........is so painful.

I don't blame you for not wanting to go out alone, but until you make new friends that might be your only choice. Do the things you enjoy that you haven't done, due to the fact your W doesn't enjoy those particular activities. Plan ahead, as best that you can. I am from the paper generation, and would tell you to "pencil" in your GAL plans. Pencils has erasers for a reason.

But it was our ANNIVERSARY!!!!! She could have at least acknowledged it. We are both the longest relationship the other has had. That hurt. It did.

You had control over not having expectations. You were warned, and yet, you went home with high expectations. It opened you for a big let down. (((Oz)))

I'm going to tell you something, and just put it under your hat for the future when things are better, okay? IDK if all women feel this way, but when it comes to wedding anniversaries and Valentine's Day, I prefer my H to take the lead. Since he isn't the type to take the initiative and actually plan something to do, I learned to have a candlelit dinner, or something else. He was good to pick out very sweet/romantic cards, and sometimes there would be a gift...... so that counts for something.

Don't get the wrong idea. Under the circumstances, I think you did the right thing. If she had wanted you to carry her out, I think she would have sent a text or hinted about it. Apparently, she was too upset about her bad day to go out and celebrate her wedding anniversary.

Here's my thinking about what the LBS should do about celebrating their wedding anniversary and Valentine's Day when they have been bombed dropped. If the other spouse wants to end the M, then why would they want to celebrate, or even recognize a day that symbolizes romance, marriage, etc.?

Yesterday our everything in the correct perspective. She is done still if you asked her. She may not be as sure as she was but she is still done. All of the correct feelings I’ve had about DBing about GAL and letting go and not controlling what I can’t. It’s time to put those into full action. Drop the rope. Let her go. Get some game. Get a body. Make a girl smile help a friend. Enjoy myself try a new food don’t be afraid. Enjoy myself take pride in me get some swagger like what I see in the mirror. Flirt with the confidence to back it up. Piece the broken heart

I'm sorry you were hurt and disappointed. If the experience helps you have a clearer perspective, then grow from it. Just be prepared to see her show a full range of emotions.

Back to the subject of her three hours of loud venting.........why not try a little experiment. Set the alarm on your phone, your watch or whatever. You will know the approximate time that it takes to get through dinner, and if she's still venting. When the buzzer goes off, you tell her your sorry to interrupt, but you have to leave. Now, if your library stays open late, you can spend a little time searching for books, reading, or whatever. Maybe you can hang out in a book store or coffee shop. You might even post while you're gone. When she asks where you are going, be a little vague and tell her you may go to the library, or book store to look around. Maybe you will have a better answer, but the point is to get out for a little while.