Hey Leo, sorry to hear about your sitch. It is very similar to my story, and I am only a few months ahead of you in the process. Let me tell you that it does get better. And this coming from a man who wanted to swerve his car into the opposite lane. As hard as it seems right now, there will come a time when you will not think about her all day. Maybe 5 or 10 minutes and maybe not even every day.
All of us wanted to make it work, read the DR book etc. But when we get bomb dropped our wives are already gone. Most of the times anyway. Thats why we need to start detaching immediately. They have a head start on us.
Sounds like there is also an infatuation, limerence with the affair person. Happens as well. Mine had it. She was moping around the house crying when it fizzled. Cause it usually does fizzle.
Liked AS's reply. Two train wrecks cant make a whole. Very true.
I loved many of the replies here. I will also mention Sandis. She is the vet here. And she also made good points. The emotional neglect is re-writing history. And if it was so bad, why couldnt they talk to us about it. They surely have no problem picking fights with us now.
You may get her back one day. But would you want her. After all this disrespect.
My psychologist told me 2 things that I recall. - Your old wife, the one you knew and loved. She is dead. You can mourn her for a few weeks. But thats it. Go on with the living. What little time we have left as living beings should be spend with the living, not the dead. It also rhymes with the WAW being abducted by an alien analogy we hear in this forum. - One day she will regret it. But it will never be the same.
The second point is true as well. Who would want a person that went to such extremes to disrespect you.
In the end its not about you. We didn't cause this mess. As much as our wive's want to make us believe that.
Gzabetas - At this point, I am really trying to convince myself that it will get better and it has little by little. The setback of emotions came back after finding about the PA and that was this past Sunday and I am actually feeling a little better by just keeping busy and hanging out with friends. A friend from the east coast that I talked to pretty consistent actually helped me a lot because he was sort of in the same situation but the biggest difference was that he wasn't married - they were just together for roughly 8 years and never committed. She cheated, he cried/begged/ask for reassurance and everything else, finally he wanted a positive outlook after so many months of spiraling down, and since then he found a new woman who treats him much better, have 2 kids together and looks very happy. The ex got jealous scrolling through his social media page and called him to make subtle clues about how much she misses him and such. The main point he was trying to get me to realize was that I just need to start focusing on my daughter and myself, set goals, and also there are plenty of fish in the sea talk. That my wife has already gone in the deep end and not even thinking about me, just this new fling she is infatuated about.
I am glad you are doing better Gzabetas. I am definitely glad that you didn't swerve into the other lane. I never thought I would go through this but I can now say I feel the pain you are going through. My emotions are crazy, there are times I think about it for only a short period of time and I'm happy than times where I question myself and play the blame game on what I could of done better.
In the future if she ever wanted to come back, I honestly don't know if I can. She is a completely different person from that one I married and she already crossed that boundary with the OM.
I am coming to realize about what you mention, its not about me. I didn't cause this, well maybe contributed a little - just a little. But I was willing to work on it and she didn't, she just walked away just like that. And everything she does at the moment, she blames me for it to validate her actions.
I hope you all are doing well that is reading this. We will get better, we will get through this mess with or without the spouse. Keep your heads up, GAL, stay positive. Thanks everyone for your input/advice.
