Your W is more than likely being nice to you because you have backed off, are not having R talks, and are not forcing her to discuss her feelings or feeling pressured for sex.
Right after BD I did about all the things a LBS should not do and every time I wanted to have a R conversation with her she got more and more pissed off. Like S said don't mistake her being nice and cordial for her feelings changing. If she is not having sex with you and initiating then nothing has changed. My XW would even flirt with me at times, IMO testing me to see if I would take the bait and try to have sex with her. It is all a power play to get you to take the bait and then quickly put you back in your place. Don't take the bait. She started the [censored] and she can end the [censored]. You should also not want to have anything to do with someone that doesn't want to be with you.
While your in the mess it is very hard to see but once you are removed from the situation and experience what it is like to be wanted again and desired by another woman you will quickly realize. I am not advocating that you go find another woman but when you are in the mire it is hard to even imagine and fathom what you were settling for just to avoid D. Just because you "loved her" and she is the mother of your children. I won't go all RED pill on you but it helped me when I started to put it all into perspective.
As S said the only thing you can do is work on yourself, out energy into being the best man you can be, work on becoming self-reliant. I was in IC for 6 months and it did help me process my feelings and emotions. The rest of my progression has been due to gaining a better understanding of myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, becoming more aware of female nature, building attraction, and becoming more self-aware.
You can heal, move on or recon but in order for this not to happen again either with another woman or your current wife you will have to change your patterns and behaviors. Learn about female nature and become more self-aware.
