Maybe I know what to do 6

[SteveLW]

oz, i agree. The anniversary things SPEAKS VOLUMES, and dwarfs the "her being nice and sitting close". She sits close and talks and is nice to a lot of people. So take the cues. You are like everyone else to her right now, she just happens to have to live with you.

I think the problem for you is twofold right now:

1) You haven't dropped the rope. You are still way too attached. Many LBS convince themselves they are detaching, but go read your last post as a casual observer and you will see that you are FAR from detached. A detached man would have let the anniversary thing roll off his back like water off a duck. A detached man wouldn't be word vomiting about her being nice to him and overreacting to it. I am glad that you recognized all of this in your last paragraph.

2) You are too caught up in whatifs and buts. "But I don’t want to minimize the progress either." Huh? What progress? That she is nice? Lots of WAWs have been nice as they walk out the door. I've never heard a single divorced guy go "It [censored] that she left me....but at least she was nice!" WAWs are nice for a lot of reasons. To let their LBH down easy. Because they are afraid that their LBH will become mean and even abusive. To manipulate the LBH into agreeing to their terms. Etc........ oz I've told you before (or maybe it was other LBHs that have had a "nice" WAW) DO NOT LET HER MANIPULATE YOU. There are things you have to do no matter if she is nice, mean or anything in between.

This is why I am adamant about consulting with a lawyer (I know you've done that), and getting into IC (I know you are opposed to this and it is something you will end up regretting).

And I like your last paragraph except for two lines: Make a girl smile help a friend. & Flirt with the confidence to back it up.

Bad idea. You should be focused on YOURSELF...and on your son. That's it. When you start thinking about other girls, or flirting, that tells me you are putting your energy in the wrong places. Lots of LBHs have jumped into a new relationship to "piece a broken heart", only to find themselves in the same situation with the girl that they were with the last.

EARN YOUR WAY OUT. Do the hard work of self-improvement. And I don't see that happening without IC. This forum is great, but a good counselor cannot be replaced by a message board.