Persistent Endurance (Part 5)

[curtis7]

You are still hanging on for dear life to that rope...

You have just made a statment about disrespect, then go against all logic and send the email about Retroivaille... Pursuit !

You are still thinking on emotion. You are not making rational decisions. I haven't gone back through the thread, but from memory one of the Vets even states that Retrouvaille won't move forward if a partner is engaged in an affair ? Yet you still send the email.. Your words will not shake her from this ( In much the same way I feel my words to you fall on deaf ears ) - You are trying to save your marrige, i am trying to help you to save yourself - or at least make the most of the life you have...

Your marriage is gone.. It will never return as you knew it

Point I am making - its a hard decision, your emotions are working against you etc - But you need to let go...

I can't help but feel the decision to see a laywer wasnt about you wanting a divorce, but another hope that the letter may snap her out of this.. She is too far gone..

Get rid of the horse and break contact, except when kid related - If you only see her once a week etc you will make massive progress..

We all came here because we didn’t want a D. I know the MR I knew is gone and will never come back. Frankly, I don’t want that MR anymore because my W didn’t feel loved, respected, and appreciated enough to remain committed and faithful. I do want to try and start a new MR with her and find out if we can have something better. Ideally without having to go through with a D first. This is only possible if she chooses to end her A’s.

One thing I’ve learned on this board and in reading NMMNG and other resources is that it’s unlikely that you’ll get what you want if you don’t ask. So, the email described RetroV, I expressed my desire to try it, and asked if she was interested. I know a requirement for RetroV is that neither S is involved in another R. So, the first step is to ask if she’s willing, the second is to ask if she’ll end her A’s and really participate with an open mind.

I’ve let go of the outcomes. I’m moving down parallel paths. If she agrees to attend RetroV, that’s a positive step. Although, if she proceeds with the D path, then I’m preparing to protect the best interest for me and my kids.

My decision to see a L was twofold, 1) to terminate the disrespect, get out of limbo, and move forward with living my life and 2) hope that she would feel loss when faced with the reality of D. I realize that the latter is extremely unlikely with where she’s at as a person and who she’s become. Again, I’ve let go of the outcomes, but I want a decision from her. No, I don’t want a D, but I will not remain in a MR with infidelity, this has gone on long enough and it’s time for choices to be made.