This is why we say "no R talks". Most LBHs can't handle getting their grapes crushed like this. R talks get you no where and only set you back further.
To other LBSs, use jac's experience as a valuable lesson.
^^^YUP^^^
Originally Posted by jac12
Steve, I think this outcome was coming right from the very start. She has had no intention of trying to work things out in our marriage. She's a ghost of her former self. She said she wants me in her life, just not romantically.
Jac, everything she is saying to you is "script". Why do we call it that? Because they all say it. It's another reason we say no R talks, because you are just going to get a big earful of script. It is simply a reflection of what she feels at that one moment in time and really doesn't mean anything.
Also, stop with the blaming and accusations. Telling her she's a bad mom who would rather be partying than taking care of her son is not going to make a good impression on her. You know the old saying you can't attract a bee with vinegar? Same with a WAS, yet you're pouring on the vinegar, expecting what? That she'll say "oh wow Jac is right I need to snap out of it and get my life back on track!" No she's thinking "how dare he say such things, HE is why this is happening, HE is the bad guy here, HE is why I feel this way" etc. etc. Right now it's all your fault. So don't add fuel to her fire.
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Maybe she would have come around, or still may, but she's not doing any personal growth work on her end or trying to see how she contributed to anything.
Your recent comments are full of this kind of stuff. That's an "expectation" and you need to drop them all. She's not meeting your expectations, well OF COURSE NOT. It's far too soon for her to be having a change of heart. That will take many more months, maybe years.
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How can I have any respect for someone who left their child? I really believed there were some mental issues going on but she's not addressing them and really doesn't believe that to be the case. It's just how she feels. Are you suggesting those feelings can actually change?
Have you read Steve's sitch? If so, then you already know the answer to this. If not, spend a few hours reading it.
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How do I move forward now as far as our interactions go?
Detach. GAL. All interactions should be 100% business- kid dropoffs and pickups, bills, period. Treat her like you would a client. NO MORE R TALKS EVER PERIOD.
