SteveS - Travel can be really rough. I had 4 trips during pre-BD limbo and they wore me down. So much alone time, time to ruminate, obsess, read, worry, etc.
I am on a mission to achieve clarity lately. I'm tired of the spinning thoughts. Meditation helps.
Example: NMMNG. I've gone over and over that book and for me at this point it comes down to one simple lesson:
It's okay to have needs.
Now that I'm starting to believe it, things fall into place. Setting boundaries comes more naturally. That pedestal my W was atop has toppled (mostly...) I don't feel guilty for asserting a need, even if it causes conflict. I don't try to meet my needs in sneaky, people-pleasing ways.
Just encouraging you to strive for that clarity and simplicity.
Very true - NMMNG has been a godsend, really. I might be oversimplifying, but so much of my communication problems boiled down to:
1. Not clearly expressing my needs, which turned into passive-aggressiveness and weak boundary setting 2. Hiding things and lying to avoid conflict, which eroded the basic trust she had in me 3. Allowing my partners to have such strong impact on my emotional health, guided by fear of losing their love
It's really ironic. By trying to be perfect, avoiding conflict and downplaying my needs in order to seem like the best partner, it has such an opposite effect: you're instead a partner who cannot emotionally connect and be open and honest. For as much as I can beat myself up for not recognizing and taking action these things sooner, I'm going to use this time to actively work on improving my communication and integrity. Part of that is developing and cultivating honest and open male friendships, part of it is improving my relationship with my family, part of it is zooming in with my IC on self-image, and frankly part of it, as you said, is realizing that WAW is flawed and the problems that caused our S fall on both of us.
