I've been thinking about custody since April when I figured out I was in pre-BD limbo. At this point I'm not particularly stressed worrying about what I want, other than feeling guilty about starting off less than 50% for now. But I do think it's for the best. Long-term I would want 50-50, and likely a 7-7 would work best with my work schedule. 2-2-3 or 2-2-5-5 I think are as good as it gets if you can do it. I'm glad you have something that works for you.
MC was really bizarre today. My W went back to the kid safety narrative, and I don't want to go into details, mostly because they aren't relevant to my larger point. One issue was something W and I had already discussed over the phone.
I hate delving into my W's head, but here is how I believe she is approaching MC (now that we are 5 sessions in):
- We are going to D. - What is best for the kids is that mom and dad are excellent co-parents. - Part of this includes dad being a safe parent, and I am worried about that. - Rather than filing for D immediately, I would like to push dad to be a better, safer parent, so I am comfortable with a joint custody arrangement that is good for our kids.
I actually brought this up today. I said I felt the 3 of us (me, W, counselor) were there primarily to focus on making me a better parent so that my W feels safer. My W said, "No! We are also working on communication!" I just don't believe it at this point.
Because of the history of my sitch, I feel it is in my best interest to continue with MC while our timeshare arrangement gets cranking. At the moment, I feel there is little benefit to our MR. We are communicating better, although mostly I feel it is obvious to me when we don't communicate well, but my W needs MC to understand when she misinterprets things.
All in all a big swirling mess in my head right now. I felt pretty beat up in MC today. I said I'm going to be a better dad regardless of this situation and I'll take the negative feedback to heart. My W tried to recover and give some positive feedback, but the constant hammering on my parenting leaves me numb. I need to work on my PMA at these times, and not feel victimized.
I keep telling myself to weather the storm. Even if I was 100% convinced I wanted a D, now is not the time to file.
