Moving Forward

[Jac12]

Well...I had a chat with my WW this evening. I wanted to be up front with my feelings as this was something I wasn't good at before all this happened. Basically talked about some things I had learned about myself and how it may have contributed to our marriage going downhill - a lot of nice guy syndrome things. She seemed to appreciate me doing some introspection and said maybe she should be doing the same thing.

But....she has no feelings for me. She thinks there are too many little things that have added up and she has no interest in working on the marriage. She said she would likely be dating in the near future (I think she's seeing someone now, just a hunch though). She thought she was clear a few weeks ago when we chatted about it being over. I asked her then why she said she wouldn't sign the divorce papers and she said because it seems so final. But she reiterated that she's done and she doens't care if I was with someone else.

So since the BD dec 9/18 she has done nearly zero to work on our marriage and keep our family together. We have a beautiful little boy who one day will ask his mom if she tried and she said "I'm comfortable telling him no, I didn't feel it anymore". WTF. I am beyond hurt and angry and sad.

I told her tonight that I haven't recognized this person for the last 9 months. She said people change. I said you used to be a great mom and now you'd rather go to Toronto with friends than spend the day with your son who you only see twice a week. I don't know this W, the old W was a great person. I also said she should continue to see an IC bc this isn't you. I don't know this person.

So it looks like we will be getting a D. She'll get the S agreement proposal this week which is pretty much what they'll use in the D.

I'm asking for full child support of course. I'm asking that my son lives with me and I am the custodial parent. She can visit on certain days and I'll be cooperative with giving her some time. In lieu of full spousal support I've asked to keep our house and my investments.

She won't be happy as basically it works out to $2400/month and she's off the house and can't touch my investments. But...that probably beats her paying $4000/month. My L thinks I'll get what I am asking for.

I thought she was the love of my life. I loved her completely. I don't know what happened.