Lost

[LB55]

I don't know if this is selfish or not, but I don't want this train wreck to last - I want her to feel the pain that I am going through.

This is really tough for you Leo, I hate reading this stuff; its very painful and I am sorry that you're here and going through all of this. I don't know if my W is in any sort of affair. finding out she is would hurt, but I am not going to go looking or quizzing because it won't do me any good.

I wanted for a long time for her to hurt like me, I suspect that is a pretty common feeling amongst the LBS crowd. I was quite angry and very hurt and just wanted to shake her until she woke up. Even if the train wreck ended, she wouldn't hurt like you because I just can't imagine its the same feeling of loss when it is an AP vice your spouse. That is just me speculating.

I am trying to detach. I was doing pretty good until this PA came into light because I never ever thought in a million years she would do this to me, even if we are going through the D that was the last thing in my head. I guess I kind of had a sense but didn't want to believe it at the moment.

This is a tough thing and very hurtful and frustrating. The victim mentality is tough to work through, I had it for quite a while too. She made a choice that you don't like, but she didn't "do this to you". I prefer to think she is doing this to herself, and while the enjoyment is great right now it likely won't last. I take solace in that and I work on improving myself with this opportunity I've been given. Put myself in the best position to take action and decide what I want going forward with or without W. That is all I can do.

It was very hard for me to want to get out and GAL, but it certainly helps to distract a person from what is going on. I'd encourage you to get out with some friends and have a burger, go bowling, sing karaoke, whatever it is that you enjoy doing. Try to lay off the alcohol, that really keeps you down in the dumps. Get exercise because it will help you sleep and its good for your brain and body.