- Assume any and all comms are being documented. Especially anything in writing (text, e-mail, letters). Calls may be recorded for quality assurance purposes =) - Assume anything you say will be twisted and distorted. Do not get upset or triggered by this. You have no control over it. - Text message is the single worst form of communication. Any type of communication that requires a back-and-forth exchange should be done over e-mail or voice.
I also think it is wise to keep a journal. Facts only. Dates, times, events, what was said, what was done. Unfortunately I am guilty of dropping the ball on this myself the last few weeks. I need to get back on it.
When I feel like communicating something to my wife via text or e-mail:
- STOP. Don't take the bait. Don't let the trigger start a chain reaction. - Understand that I tend to be overly wordy, give explanations, justify, defend, etc. - Think about what the vets at DB forums would say. - Think about what is true to my own values. - Breathe. - Calm down. - Wait an arbitrary amount of time. - NOW... craft a response. - Take that response, and cut out 90% of the words. Remove anything that involves reasoning, logic, explaining, etc. - Re-read response, loop back to step #2 above. Repeat loop 3 times. - Add a simple "Hi W" to make it sound more friendly. - Hit SEND.
Our MC had some good points about why text communication is so awful:
- On the screen it looks like a back-and-forth conversation. In reality, often both parties are typing furiously responding to something said 3 texts prior. - No ability to read facial expressions or gestures. - No ability to hear inflection of voice or tone. - Mind-reading takes over. - There tends to be no conversation, it often becomes 2 parties spouting their POV into an empty void and the other party not listening.
Think about listening and validating... it works because you maintain eye contact, have a calm demeanor, etc. None of those things are possible over text. So easy to assume the worst about the other person.
