Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5)

[LB55]

Hey LB, I just wanted to repost the above as a reminder that you need to keep your guard WAY up with her. This was only 4 days ago, and now you're talking about having a relationship talk and telling her your goal is to recon and you're getting excited about touches on the shoulder? Read the above again, I try not to call people crazy, but all of her behavior throughout your time here has really made me feel like she has some serious mental issues. She flips back and forth from being extremely mean and vindictive to being polite and accommodating. Hell the whole BD never really made any sense for that matter. At a minimum you can't trust her, but deeper than that I think you should be a little afraid of her. Why do I say that? Because when you are afraid of someone you stay on high alert and you take precautions around them, such as having a 3rd party around whenever you are around each other. Just be very careful what you say to her, both in email and in person. Always be mindful of how she might twist it to use against you. I would communicate with her as little as humanly possible until the legal side of this is resolved. I know it's tempting when she throws you a bone, but right now the most important thing is to protect yourself.

Thanks AS; I hear your concern for how it is going. The crazy up and down nature of this does not lead me to believe anything is better or starting jumping into any sort of R scenario. I can see a path to R and one to D. Either is ok, R is what i'd want. I am being very wary of things and my guard is way up. It may not reflect in my writings, but I look out for myself as best as I know how. You will know I've let my guard down when I stop posting here about things that have happened. Mostly I just use this as a way to document things that happen, feelings I have, provide some encouragement when i can, and to get feedback. That was what I did with the shoulder comment...just documenting that it was weird and it happened. Please don't read that as me getting excited; definitely not how I meant to convey that.

As far as the legal side of things, we may eventually wind up D, we may not, but I'm not going to push it through for her. It's not what i want and she knows that. I'm just saving money right now by not doing things, and my L has all the pertinent info if W decides to start pushing an aggressive settlement or threatening to go to court if I don't agree. I use my phone to record things and I follow up phone call agreements with an electronic message to document that she agrees with what we talked about.

Posting things here prevents me from being dumb 99% of the time. It helps to just write it out and whether anyone else replies or not I go back and read it a day or two later to provide myself a perspective to try and maintain an even keel. If i was flying high two days ago and now I'm sinking, it helps me realize that the ebb and flow is normal and they will get better again; vice versa applies too. It gets me thinking about how she could view things I think and that is a good thing.

She doesn't have my trust in any way, I keep looking for traps. Its a tough way to live and I am trying to be safe while giving her some benefit of the doubt as communications improve just a bit. Trust is a two way street and for her to start to trust me I must start to trust her as well. I can start the trust cycle even while being wary. A long ways to go in this marathon though.