Mindy, maybe he is the exception, but most people aren't just controlling in one aspect. He certainly is controlling with this though. And he has no right to be like that. He lost that right when he BD'd you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Mindy, a lot of people confuse detachment with being cold/ indifferent or even rude. You do not want to be cold and indifferent, the idea is you just want to seem busy with your life. So when he texts or calls, sometimes reply/ answer right away, sometimes wait a while, and sometimes (if it's not important) don't reply. You don't want him to think "she is ignoring me" because that will just look mean and vindictive to him. You want him to think "wow she's busy, what is she busy doing? I thought she'd be my Plan B forever, but she seems to be establishing her own life without me and that scares me more than I thought it would." You understand the difference? Read Sandi's rules and follow them, they are all about LOVINGLY detaching.
You seem to be doing the right thing. You did respond when he called you and texted you over and over. But you did in your own time.
And no, if you are doing something for you, that has no impact on finances or your H, you dont need to tell him.
You can absolutely just tell him you were busy.
Yes, he is going to get mad as hell and stomp around like a child. Its because he wants his way and his way only. When I started detaching from my EXWW, she got very angry and filled the void with negativity.
Some WS get mad, some see their loved one slipping away and get their [censored] together and some dont care.
The key word with how you respond when he calls and texts is "aloof". Like you are life so busy focusing on yourself that you honestly dont have time for your phone, no matter whos calling or texting.
And when your H asks about it, you just be friendly and vague.
As long as he is actively talking to the OW, he is still cheating and you need to continue to detach. Even with him kicking and screaming that he wants the opposite. Just remember this is a very long and tough emotional road. Its Its something that is going to take a very long time to get through one way or the other.
As everyone says here, its a marathon and not a race. Focus on achieving one thing about detaching at a time. I think you did well and you know you did well because your H threw a baby fit.
Last edited by SoTorn; 08/06/1902:10 PM.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Remember you are protecting yourself emotionally. You are getting yourself to a point where what your H does, has no impact on how you feel. Your intent with detaching is to become the bad ass, name taking butt kicking, sexy, strong, emotionally intelligent, mature woman that doesnt need a man who isnt all in and pursuing her.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
