Thanks for the advice IHC and R2C and Sandi That’s the male I’m workin on being
Anniversary part 1
She gets out of bed first every morning. She has to be at work a lot earlier than I do.
I walk downstairs. Regular morning niceties chatter
Me: well happy anniversary! Her :ya it is isn’t it. (Like ya thats today but I didn’t know if we were saying it or not) kinda seemed like her way of saying it
Me : (after a short period of silence) ya we sure have been through a lot of crap
I ended it that way cause it made it less awkward then saying nothing. Plus it didn’t require her to respond if she didn’t want to. Which she didn’t. Then I was out the door for run
I got back in time for her to leave. We talked briefly. She said I hope you have a good day today I reciprocated and she left
I haven’t been giving you guys all the details of our convos like I used to because I’ve grown a lot. But today is different so I wouldn’t mind a little help with things
Before she left she told me to tell her if I was gonna be late from work. I agreed and asked if she had plans she said “no I’m just trying to figure out this evening”
I will be interested to hear how tonight goes. You may want to prepare the way R2C suggested, at least with a card. Only give it to her IF she initiates.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So I just wanted to give you guys a GAL update. Friday I went to dentist with THAT pain.
Not sure going to the dentist falls under "GAL", GAL is supposed to be something enjoyable
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Saturday I woke up with the flu. But it was like the fast flu cause I was feeling better that evening.
That may have been from the dental work, it can cause some flu-like symptoms because of the proximity to your sinuses.
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then was out the door to help a buddy on his 69 truck. Really enjoyed hangin out with him he’s becoming a good friend. I realized I wasn’t thinkin about W too much and just enjoying myself
Now that's a good GAL! And yes that's exactly the point, it takes your mind off your sitch and allows you to focus on something else. The more you do it the more effective it is.
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I’m still struggling on figuring out how to make myself more attractive though.
You do that by doing things that make you feel better about yourself. Some of the things we suggest are updating your wardrobe, getting in better shape, losing weight if you need to, keep yourself shaved and hair neatly trimmed, wear cologne, etc. The idea of all of this isn't to make you more attractive to your W, it's to make you feel better about yourself- more confident. Because that confidence is what makes you more attractive. So think about what you can do to improve your outlook of yourself, and do those things.
AS. I was trying to be funny about the dentist thing. Lol. I know that doesn’t count as gal.
It’s all falling together. Things are s lot easier to see now.
I’m really curious to see how tonight is gonna go. I have no expectations. Preparing for the worst and gonna be ready for anything. We will see I guess
Sigh. Today does make me a little sad. I’m not spiraling or anything like that don’t worry. I think I’m passed that. But it is sad. And I don’t think there is any shame in admitting it
Gonna leave work a touch early and go pick up a card so I have it ready if I need it. Seems like a good suggestion
Going to the dentist could be considered a 180 if it something that you have been avoiding for a long time.
Yes, this stuff is sad. And being sad is fine! We've often said there is no problem with being sad and even showing emotions......just not around her. Many LBS here (your truly included) had many moments of falling to pieces....privately.
And it goes both for the positive and negative. I remember the evening my wife came to me and started talking about how she wasn't sure she was doing the right thing, and that she knew D was wrong and God hates D, and that she wanted to want to stay married to me. Etc..... This was after a couple of weeks of getting pretty good at DBing.
I fell apart in the shower the next morning thinking about it. Happy tears. Tears of joy. But when she was saying these things to me I was detach. I was stoic. I didn't react. I even said to her at one point, "You have to do what makes you happy. No matter what." That front you put up to her is so important. Whether she is talking about Ding or Ring. You need to be even through it all.
And then fall to pieces later when you are alone.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Lol nah my teeth are fine. I had one though that just decided it was going to wage war on me
No falling to pieces right now for me. Just kinda sad. Kinda like a “wow, hard to believe 8 years ago today we were on cloud nine” kinda sad.
I’m just kinda hangin on a low branch. But the way I’m processing it and goin through my day tells me how far I’ve come. And I’m proud of that. And I’m happy I have you guys
I try not to ask these type of questions anymore. But does her and I’s dialogue this morning reveal anything? Kinda just tells me she isn’t ready to recommit
It means that at that moment, your anniversary wasn't important to her. However, then she asked about you coming home and trying to figure out this evening. So maybe she has something planned.
oz, NO EXPECTATIONS...no matter what does or doesn't happen tonight.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve. I have NO expectations. I’m kinda nervous though. My mom just sent an anniversary msg to the 2 of us. Which I told her to do when I set the boundaries with her because if she didn’t my W would think that is super weird because my mom is the date rememberer for the entire family.
My W would know something really strange is going on if mom didn’t send msg. So it kinda had to be done
