When we speak in person we are much more reasonable and for me anyway, im able to hear her much better without forming my own opinions on her statements. I'm hopeful that we can keep this going, it is healthy either way for us to be able to communicate.
The bold part reminds me of the movie heartbreak ridge when Clint Eastwood keeps coming out in a different colored t-shirt each day and the platoon can't figure out how to match him in order to not have to run.
Oh definitely, I agree. One of my goals is to try and reestablish verbal communication (Yes that's how bad it is right now). I have difficulty reading the context of a message on a good day. She has completely withdrawn into the internet world, and has assigned me the role of "bad person". It is so bizarre, so alien, so completely against her character from the first 18 yrs I knew her.
In order to have any sort of communication I have had to completely alter the way I respond. Out of curiosity...Did you have any success with electronic comms? Anything would help.
Originally Posted by LB55
It's very tough for me to evaluate this. She didn't leave exactly, I was deployed and restrained from returning home. This isn't a normal situation of one spouse moving out and then realizing that home is better than some crappy apt. I'm the one in the crappy apt and she has the nice home. Nothing has changed for her outside of 'her problems have left the house'. It's something I struggle with daily; is it possible to miss me when life I so comfortable right now??
I'm definitely taking it slow. Its been almost 8 months since she filed for D. We haven't even split up our household items yet. I've thought about pushing the timeline and forcing her hand. I think she needs to feel in control even if she isn't. I don't know if that is the right answer, but forcing her hand with other things hasn't worked yet so I'm not doing it anymore. It just leads to both of us being stressed out and angry.
Yeah that really [censored], man. I can't relate bc I was single when I was deployed, but it was so nice to finally get home and have a place to go to after 7 months. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
I'm in a weird position too - we are still in the same house but she has shut down. The house is no longer a safe space. My GAL has helped but sometimes you just want to veg in your own space. The loss of comfort there is a big one - and it's such a small house that detachment and space are hard to give unless I spend all day away. I have done it - ive made it so that we are ships passing occasionally by reverting to my Navy kind of living from 2 decades ago but it's not easy.
As far as pushing timelines- on my end that has failed miserably. So I've also stopped, same as you. I'm currently reevaluating how to.proceed with this. Having 2 separate plans for 2 separate outcomes and trying to align them without going batshit crazy lol.
