"""The more we satisfy our wants and needs without our partner, the more we get emotional support without our partner, the less what they do matters.""" Good quote right there.
Get a life (GAL) does make more sense than detachment.
Good job. However, you need to not respond at all unless its very important. Also, you dont need to tell him what you are doing. No need for the text about the meeting or leaving.
He is actively disrespecting you. He is not your H at the moment. When you go do things for yourself for GAL, just do them. "If" he asks afterwards, like if he is waiting at home and asks where you were, you be very vague.
H: "Where were you? Why didn't you answer?"
You: "I was busy"
He doesnt deserve the specifics. He doesnt get to be both your H and someones BF. Let him wonder what you are doing. Let him get back home to you not being there. Let him wonder where you are and whom with.
Just live your life. At this point you are focusing on yourself. Enjoy yourself. Do things that keep you active and make you happy.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
I go to my first appointment with the counselor on Wednesday. It is during his work hours. Do I just go and not tell him? Or do I tell him I'm going? Or tell him ????
I go to my first appointment with the counselor on Wednesday. It is during his work hours. Do I just go and not tell him? Or do I tell him I'm going? Or tell him ????
Does he need to know? I don’t think he does. It’s for you.
Personally I wouldn’t tell him anything in your situation. He’s doing his own thing and you should too. They’re just going to be drastically different things.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
I got home last night, he was already in bed and I quietly got in bed. He rolled over and gave me a kiss. After a bit, I couldn't sleep, got on my phone and was doing some reading on infidelity. He could see the screen and asked why I was reading about that. I took some time to formulate my answer and I replied something like I was still recovering and needed guidance. He said he was sorry and cried. I did say something like I don't know/want to know what our marriage lacked that caused him to do what he did and why he still maintained a relationship with her (I said 'relationship' because it's more than a friendship.) He didn't say another word and snuggled up against me. I was done crying and chuckled very quietly under my breath. I wanted to say more but in prior conversations, I had done most of the talking and this time I decided I wasn't going to do that. I chuckled because that's how I handled his no response.
At 0340 this morning, I was awakened by him noisily getting out of bed. I got up about 5minutes later to use the bathroom and thought he may have been sick. He was hurriedly dressing and he was MAD! He said 'you didn't answer the phone or text me' in a very angry tone. I replied I was busy. He replied 'too busy to answer the phone?' I again said I was busy. He said "I called several times. I replied again I was busy and in a meeting. (I did have a meeting part of the time.) He didn't respond. I wasn't going to beg him to tell me more and since he was still in an angry mood, I paused and then went back to bed.
I could really use some input. Is this what others have experienced? Did their spouses get mad? Did I handle it okay? Should I have done something different? Any ideas why the anger? There was a time a couple of months ago that I was in conversation with someone and ignored a SINGLE call from him and then called him back when I was finished. He did get slightly mad then and the discussion which ensued after made me realize it really bothered him because I ALWAYS answered in the past. At that time, he said he was worried about my safety which I believed was partially true but there was something else that bothered him about me not answering.
He honestly isn't controlling in any other way but with me not answering my phone. He's not tried to control whom I'm friends with or my time on the phone talking to them for instance. I can't think of any other way that he's been controlling. Not in whom I'm friends with, what I wear, where I go, what I buy, etc.
