LB - to be honest it sounds like YOU need space and time to figure this out.
As far as telling her what your "goals" are, I wouldn't get deep into anything at all about your true goals, especially if it's a temp check. Yes we all want to see improvement, that's the LBS way, but tread extremely carefully.
Maybe saying something generic and abstract like I have short term goal to concentrate my energy and focus on family time etc...? If you decide to tell her at all.
You are correct in a way. I know what I want. I need time and space to figure out a plan to get what I want. I have the time and space. I can't force her to come back; the only part of this I know is I am working on the potholes in the road back home. Those are my issues to resolve.
I feel very much the same way you do. I also know what I want. In my case, however,there is no way I am telling W that right now. She is far from being ready for those discussions.
What do you think you would you say? Might be helpful to mull over a few things that would be "safe" to tell her without "giving away the farm" and retaining your air of mystery.
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As far as goals, I have mine and they are in my head. I told her my goal is improved communications between us in the short term. We both agreed that email is a tough medium with emotions and will call when we need to discuss something. No ghost calling, if we call, we leave a voicemail describing what we are calling about. We will see if its sustainable. I talked with her for 2 hours on Saturday on the phone as described above; additionally for a few minutes sunday morning to work out the deal to spend the day with S11, and for about 10 minutes in the driveway when bringing him home last night. So I'm taking that as a good start to meeting that goal. I still need to define how it will be met, or possibly refine it to be able to objectively be able to meet the goal.
Yeah email is not easy. My W is solely text message- nothing verbal at all. I have to re-read everything I write, trying to hear it in whatever tone she is assigning to it (which is practically impossible).
You cant go wrong with saying you want improved communications. that's my main goal as well.
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When we were talking last night, she surprised me; she reached out and grabbed my shoulder and held on for a second. I almost instinctively withdrew as first; it was odd. It wasn't the kind of flirty touch that shows romantic interest, but it was not unfriendly either. I wasn't sure if she was going to hug me; her body motions were very close to that as she reached for me; I almost reached out under her outstretched arm and embraced her and gave her a big hug but I refrained; it was such a natural movement from our past. Such an odd thing right now. I also refrained from telling her she looked nice(she really did), or any of the other pursuit stuff.
Isn't it strange when the "nice" person we once knew makes a reappearance? Maybe your distance has begun to take effect a little bit, or maybe it's just a cameo appearance. These things are definitely not easy.
Someone told me once - way before any of this [censored] went down - that "they'll never learn to miss you until they go away". That person had been talking about teenagers going away to college, but I think it applies here too.
At any rate - my advice would be to take it very slow, and remember you've got the control here.
