Awaiting Actions (LB55 #5)

[LB55]

Do I tell her my goal for the relationship? She likely already knows I'd prefer to get back together. Don't want to state something she already knows but don't want to be unclear on my intentions either. I think I'm gonna go visit my work bud and see what he thinks. He's never met my W. He's been through this divorce process twice and has some good perspective to keep me from doing dumb things.

IMO, you do not tell her this. She's put you through a lot.

And what makes you think that she knows this already?

I've told her that while I disagree with divorce being the solution to our problems, I won't stand in her way. She has told me more than once that she knows I don't believe in divorce but she doesn't see any other way right now.

She gave me time to do that. I can't think forever or I just look indecisive, weak, and unable to make a decision.

How can she give you what is yours to take? She may have wanted an answer right then and there, but I guarantee she's changed her mind on it several times since then. No answer is an answer in and of itself. Plus, even if she were beating the door down tomorrow, you'd need a lot of consistency before you could believe anything.

That is possible. I think I look indecisive if I wait for her to ask about it again. Point taken; I have to take the time I need in this. Agree on the consistency piece. Lots more needed in that department.

How the conversation would go. Would we be able to talk without poking each other about past hurts? Would we be able to walk away if needed? That kind of stuff.

Sounds like she is totally healed.

Thus my very skeptical comment above. I'm able to see this and I think that is a good thing. She has a long ways to go. I think part of this is she stopped going to IC because her IC 'took the summer off'. If she thinks she is good to go, then why go anymore. I will wait to see if she restarts or not here in a month.

If I don't tell her what I want, then I'm back to being a NGS dude that doesn't tell others his wants and needs and is angry because I never get what I want.

Do you believe, in this case, that asking for what you want will get you what you want? It's not NGS to protect yourself either. You know your situation best.

This is an area that I struggle with. I'm re-reading DR and the NMMNG books this week. I honestly don't know if it would get me what I want. Its a decision I have to make and consequnces I have to be ready to accept if I choose to tell her my goal of re-building our marriage from the ground up. Perhaps I need to break down my really big goal into smaller more obtainable goals to help me here. Hmm.