SteveS - sorry to keep this short but I’m on travel.
I have the FOA (fear of abandonment) and the tendency to beat myself up also.
It helps me to think of the things I would like to see my W change. Not that I expect her to change, but it helps me realize she has her own baggage too. We are all just people carting around baggage. Also I think it is a good step to healing NGS - take her off the pedestal and view things from a balanced point of view.
Honestly... name the top 3 things that you would like her to change if you agree to reconcile. You should notice a little power shift just by thinking this way, you get your self respect back a little bit.
Hope that helps... I go through the cycles too.
That's great advice. I'd want her to work on understanding my love language (physical touch), for us both to be more openly communicative, and continue to work on managing her anxiety such that it doesn't manifest itself in controlling behavior.
She's not perfect, and I have to remind myself of that. Our situation is 50/50, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.
