The rollercoaster ride of emotions continues. I’m struggling these last few days. I won’t lie.
My first thought when I woke up this morning was of H and OW. Of his “choosing” her. Why aren’t I good enough? I’ve got lots to give. Why can’t H receive my love? Visions of them together. Happy. Making a new life together. I don’t want those thoughts to invade my nice life. It stinks.
In reality, H is probably not happy. He could very well be just trying to get by day to day.
I have a strong urge to send him another note. But I won’t. It’s useless. He doesn’t want to hear it. It’s too difficult for him to face it. How can a man say he loves me and admires me (his words in a note last week), and treat me this way? Oh yes, he said he wanted to “spare me from himself”. I call BS on that. Another excuse. Copout. Making me the scapegoat for his choices.
I’m trying to get on with life. Detach. Our exchange last week really did get to me. I don’t think I’m back to the beginning, but I’ve got work to do for sure. I need to reread the detachment thread.
I started my Monday morning with 5:30 a.m. spin class. I’m thankful for my activities and work to dull the thoughts swirling around in my head.
