Barb - I'm sorry you are struggling. I've been at this for a while now, and I had periods where I was great. H wasn't so much on my mind, I was getting on with a nice life. Then bam! All the emotions come flooding back. That's where I am right now. I know for me, it's when I put too much focus on H and what he might be doing, thinking, etc. Us LBSs have no clue what's really going on in their minds. It's futile for us to try to guess, too. But, we still all struggle with it.
It's part of the process of letting go and detachment. A necessary part, I think. Don't beat yourself up about what he thinks your flaws might be. I'm curious about whole would have told you other than your H about your flaws? Part of this process is looking at ourselves to see how we can be better people for ourselves and in general, not for our spouse. If you believe there are some things that you could work on for yourself, than do so. But for yourself, not H or anyone else who might be weighing in on this.
And many spouses in MLC never work on their issues. They just don't have the strength. I hope yours does, in the end.
