People will treat you as you allow them to treat you. And we see other’s treatment or thoughts of us as we project our own internal self outward. If you believe you are a doormat then you will see people interactions with you through that lens and think everyone thinks you are a doormat, because you do.
The same is for victim, stander, pillar of strength, beacon, and so on. Our thinking and beliefs creates our reality and our perceptions of it. Choice. Be a person who lives in the light and grace. You will become that, and be seen like that.
Yes - I end up looking at what people (including H) say or do and see if it applies to that negative label (i.e. doormat). I do believe we can become what we want to be through positive thinking and labels. H has all kinds of those negative labels for himself, and he is refusing to change them. It's keeping him stuck, depressed, miserable.
I need to get back to just 'being'. Let life bring me joy, happiness and contentment.
A friend of mine called today just to check up on me. She said she totally gets what I am doing. I appreciated that validation, and needed it today. She is one of the Christian woman that I believe God placed in my life. I've been giving her the support she needs too in her own difficult marital journey.
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To change subjects, I've got both kids under my roof for 2 1/2 weeks. So wonderful to have S22 back home. But, my feelings about H, and his R with OW are still so raw, even knowing that it's been going on for probably 2 1/2 years (1 1/2 years before he moved out). I mentioned that I and a girlfriend whose daughter goes to the same college want to go to a football game this year. S22 states "Dad said he was going to come to a football game this year". I didn't say this, but I thought "With OW?" Of course I'm projecting. He may go with S22 (even though he doesn't care for football). But it still stung, the thought of H going with OW. I wanted to go to a game for 3 years, and H never could commit. I hate that these little zingers come out of nowhere.
*Sigh*
Time to get back to focusing on me and my family, living each day filling it with things that give me joy.
Time to get busy. Best medicine when the thoughts get out of hand.
Time to clean out a closet or two, then bake a dessert for a church pot-luck dinner tonight.
