His answers are vague. It's part of the MLC process because of the confusion. It is also a way to control a situation. One way for you to flip it is to give him vague answers as well.
With regards to the house, I would hold off on refinancing. Perhaps an agreement could be both pay 1/2 for everything until it sells? Depending on your state, you may owe him 1/2 the equity once it changes hands.
If you see him, act as if everything is going well. Laugh, converse and have a good time.
You have tough decisions to make. For me, going on the offensive, moving out and pressing hard with a lawyer ended up best for me. I have small kids and W did some pretty bad things that the judge did not like. Your situation is different. It was tough, but things got better eventually.
You are correct to stop guessing his thoughts and actions. Keep the focus on yourself.
I don't know the answer to the debt question. Much depends on your state laws regarding property and debt.
You WILL get through this and come out a better person, regardless of the outcome. You've been slapped upside the head with a frying pan. Clarity will come with time. You will fall into traps and feel lost at times but it all gets better eventually. I hated hearing that at first but it is very true!
