Usually when you give me one of your DnJ outreaches, there is a practical side that is eluding me -- I don't know how to DO what you are saying.
I do care about you Gerda and will offer some actual things to do - to live for what you are willing to die for.
Originally Posted by Gerda
...what I meant about carrying the cross is that I don't feel that I can close the door, move on, fall in love with someone else to cover over the wound. And what I am going through with my kids is so painful, just watching them suffer like this, I find that I want to escape from that pain and that I am constantly asking for mercy from that for my kids and thus for me.
Absolutely. Covering over the wound will not work. That is your H’s path.
Turn around, face your pain. Stop asking for mercy. Pain is motivation for change. Embrace that.
Originally Posted by Gerda
The cross is my sorrow at losing my marriage, and the fact that I feel that I can't close the door entirely. I am not carrying my H anymore, or his cross. A priest I love once told me that H is being crucified in sin and I am being crucified in love, and I used to think about standing at that cross with him, in love.
Originally Posted by Gerda
...from what I have seen around these parts, there is no way around that consequence of MLC. It will always hurt, no matter how much joy we are able to fill our lives with in other ways. Look at all the old timers who are still here, still posting and reading these stories. And then there is the loneliness of this un-family life.
This is that mentality I was talking about. The victim/martyr. It is hard to see a way out of. Perhaps a loving and trusted friend, reaching down, hand under your elbow, encouraging you to rise.
Look at this, dispassionately. From within your intellectual car. Rationalize this. See it without all the emotion and fear.
“there is no way around that consequence of MLC” - really? Is that what you believe is in my future?
“It will always hurt, no matter how much joy we are able to fill our lives with” - Always hurt? I really don’t hurt, and my life has joy. Yes there is still pain, hurt, sorrow, anger, etc.. all very small and very fleeting. Without the dark we cannot recognize the light. It just doesn’t consume anymore.
“And then there is the loneliness of this un-family life.” - Un-family life? Only a spouse has left. Family can exist in many many different formats.
“Look at all the old timers who are still here, still posting and reading these stories” - Although I do not consider myself an old timer. Why do you think I post? Am I stuck?
Turn, face it, and come at this sideways.
Ask S14 for his specific help with repairs or things of that nature. It will feed him. It will take time to get him to come around, so keep the faith. Show him a better path, by being the better path.
Play another board game. Play a group video game. Play cards around the dinner table. D10, S14, and Gerda.
I know you post mostly when upset, spinning, and when things are getting troubled. And I do realize that your life is not full-time like as posted. There are plenty of good times as well. Times when you are not even carrying the cross. When you realize that, let it be. Wait another hour before picking it up again. Then two hours. And so on. It is a progress of small increments.
I cannot remember when I stopped picking up my cross. God does carry it, and we take it back from him. Time after time. With infinite patience He allows us to grow and find peace within His embrace.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
