There's not really anything anyone can say sadly that's very helpful. I think the DB book presents a good short-term plan but after one year or longer you've already gotten a life, gone dark, used the different techniques, etc...and by now there's nothing new to try. It's frustrating. Especially when it ends in divorce. Then people who mean well try to take the tough approach or tell you to keep doing more of the same or say to forget about her, etc.. and that's not very helpful either!
Do you have a dream or passion that doesn't include your wife? For me it's to live in a specific country in Europe part-time, one where my husband has never been, and to reach certain career goals. These are dreams that I had before I met my husband. Maybe you have something similar? It may not bring the same happiness as having a partner that you love with all your heart, but it gives you something to live for.
I don't really know the answer because my situation is the same except I just haven't received divorce papers yet. In your case not only did you receive papers but they contain lies and they're not even in your own language! That's the ultimate disrespect.
I just searched the group you mention on Facebook and I was pretty sure it'd be too hard to find you because there are lots of red cars, but now I see exactly what you mean! I'll send you a message. I guess the 'secret' status of the DB Society Group means no one can even see the group to join. I'd volunteer to start a new one but I don't want to get in trouble here! :-)
Manta I don't really know what to say except some of us are unlucky. The majority of people who marry the person they love might not have a perfect life, but their spouse will most likely stay with them and they'll get through life together. I don't see that you did anything wrong at all in your marriage. You were unlucky to marry someone who lacked ethics and who was immature and who didn't value commitment. In fact she's a liar and probably has mental problems that aren't diagnosed and she found an affair partner who enabled her bad behavior. It's not your fault at all. It's just the worst pain to be fooled in this way. I brought my husband on a marriage visa from the Middle East and we were together for ten years. With my support he became a physician here in the US and after he was making his own money (not depending on my salary) he left my daughter and I for a 26 year old nurse and moved her into the dream house that we had just built together! I don't know if you've read my thread but there seem to be no limits to all the bad stuff that spouses can do. Yours is honestly the worst that I've read about here in this forum (aside from my husband!).
If nothing else I hope you can get through today. Write more about what you're thinking and we'll support you!
