Now what?

[BarbH]

PEP talk needed-I think he's coming by today on his way to the family reunion, but not sure. I'm feeling very nervous and teary this morning, need to find my core to deal with him. Need to set up time to discuss separation agreement. All I get from him now when I mention anything is "something to mull over" or "something to ponder" I will tell him if we can't come up with one, we will book a mediator and get it done.

So I'm dealing with the farm, the animals, the house (with the torn apart bathroom) the shop, the outbuildings all full of stuff. A lot of it "his" shop equipment, ice fishing stuff, snowmobiles, ham radio equipment. We have a mortgage and a significant amount of consumer debt thanks to some bad decisions and my illness. Hoping to refi the house and least get payments down to a reasonable level. We were okay with two incomes/one house but that situation is blown right out of the water.

Part of me just wants to pack my stuff, take my animals and walk away. Leave him to deal with it. Except he won't happen. And I'm still paying 1/2 the bills. If only we didn't live so far from town. I have neighbours, but I'm isolated from a lot of my friends. My sister is 4 hours away, my father is 1/2 hr away, but has dementia, and I'm also dealing with him and his living alone situation.

I've really thought about evicting tenants from dad's basement suite, and leaving. Can't see a way to do that at this point. Sell house as is? But I still have to get everything sorted and packed.

Re all his hobby equipment-I should probably take pictures of it all and attempt to value it right? He's going to claim it all has his but he's got thousands of dollars in vintage ham radios (2 rooms full), and shop equipment.

I'm backing out of the powwow tomorrow. I just realized it's 4 hours, and my tolerance for groups right now is about an hour. Going to take dog for long walk instead.

I have to give up trying to figure out what he's thinking. Stick to my track. I just wish my track was more clearly outlined as far as the house and living arrangements.

God guys, please tell me it gets better. I need to hear it today.