Good points on all of them Steve. I can see your point of view and I agree with it. I think I was saying those things to her because I thought we were heading in a good place.

In fact, I really thought we were on the road to reconciliation. I think we still are, as she seems to be having more good days than bad now. However, she is still dividing up our bills and saying that she is only following the order because she doesn’t want to get in trouble. She asked for my assistance with her bills and I told her I would not help her as that is not my responsibility anymore.

She is talking more about a future, but is still all over the place with it. For example, she has said many times that she doesn’t know if she’ll ever forgive me, but then wants to see consistency for it to happen. I asked her in what ways can I show you consistency, so she said in communication and coparenting with our son. So I’ve been doing that for awhile now. Then she says she doesn’t know what it will take for her to forgive me. She says that to have any relationship with her will start by being the best coparent to her and working with her. Once I do that then she might work on more.


I haven’t been on in a few days because things seemed to be going really well for us. We were talking more and building that emotional connection again or so I thought. I had to send her L some legal papers that we both have to do and that have to be in within a certain time. I told her I sent them and she just got really upset and mad. I guess it’s because we were both comfortable with where we were and didn’t think about any of the legal stuff. In fact, I thought she was pausing everything or even stopping it.

The next day on webchat she told me she wasn’t upset about the papers because that’s part of the process. She was upset at my timing if telling her about it. I tried to listen and validate. I did try to convince her that it wasn’t my fault and I had to follow the orders. The next evening on webchat she was great. I even told her I liked her outfit. We had the best conversation we’ve had since this started. It was about a 40 min conversation and I don’t think either of us wanted to get off the phone.

Then last night on webchat, it was just horrible. She got so irritated at me when I told her that I liked her outfit again. She immediately shut our conversation down and attacked me through text when we got off. Again, I just listened and validated I used words of encouragement and support too. I told her that she just keeps pushing me further away and I’m almost done.

I feel that was important because I’ve been the rock so far and I’m just getting to a point where I’m not sure I want to be subject to her riding her emotional rollercoaster anymore.

Thoughts?

Originally Posted by Steve85
Hrt, I know this was directed more at sandi than me. But wow.

I want you to do an exercise. Read your above post from 3 hours ago. I want you to read it as a 3rd party. Put aside your bias and your emotional attachment to the post, and just read it. Then answer these questions:

Does the post command respect from the OP's W?
Does the sending of sweet texts constitute pressure and pursuit?
Does asking her if she wanted the OP to keep doing the sweet tests or stop command respect? or does it come off as pathetic and weak?
Does the OP's W's response of "told me to not get upset if she didn’t always respond" suggest that the OP's W respects him? Or feels sorry for him?

Remember, answer these as objectively as you possibly can!