Fine tuning my inner Me

[Grace21]

HaWho, Yail, and Dnj.

Thanks for the insight. It’s helpful. Grounded me a bit.

This is where there’s that question of doormat vs. standing.

I’m beginning to think they are one and the same sometimes.

So, he thinks he has all these options at his fingertips like you are just sitting home on your hands waiting for him?

If he chose you would you actually believe it given the other things he’s still mulling?!?!

I do wonder if he thinks if he “chose me” whether he believes he could just come back at that moment. And no, I would not believe him at all. There would have to be major changes over a period of months, therapy, etc. He has lied for so many years that I don’t know if I could ever believe anything he says ever again.

I exhaled with your more recent post because it seemed more authentic and in tune with what you're experiencing. You're so in touch with what is really going on here. I've been spending a lot of time in the former post mentality: the too-tough-I've-got-this camp where we put our pain to the side. We've got to balance the two and not ignore it.

Thanks for this reminder. My nature is to handle things with dignity, take care of business, and stifle my feelings. I put my feelings aside during our marriage so much. No more. If I ignore them, I will stay stuck. I don’t want to be stuck.

I wanted to remind you of Option #5: He does nothing. He says he will make a decision and he might. But the pressure might get to him, and he may go into hiding or just refuse to answer. I want you to be prepared for that out come as well.

Your many conversations have drawn you back in. He can manipulate you. Push your buttons.

You are correct. It did. However, it was the first exchange of real thoughts and emotions from H in years. Maybe for me too. So for that, I don't regret it. But, I can see how his words can manipulate me. I will guard against it going forward.

H says he is making a decision about getting out of his apartment, not that he will or is getting out. He could decide to stay. He could decide something and not implement it or follow through with it. The MLCer is pretty flaky with following through with things.

I don’t really believe he will do nothing. But, it’s a reminder that I won’t know until I know. I’m going to work hard the next few days to detach from it. I can’t control it, I have no say in it, and H certainly hasn’t asked for my help. I think I need to reread your post about fear again, DnJ.

I’ve got a full day with D20. S22 comes home today for almost 3 weeks. Dinner with both tonight. I’d say that’s a good start to getting on with things. Getting on with life.

Grace