LB55 - I know validation is the standard advice but I would consider making it clear you do not feel like you are unsafe or your W has anything to fear.
You know about my sitch from a few weeks back (and helped me a ton!) My new general rule is validate unless it is something possibly legally problematic in which case I don’t validate.
W: I am worried about your safety around the kids. Old me: I hear you feel I am unsafe, and that worries you. New me: I do not believe I am an unsafe parent.
I think same goes for your W’s fears. Of course be cool and calm but... at the time I was also thinking about recording conversations etc and thought “why am I validating this stuff and then gathering evidence it is not true... seems easier to just not agree with it calmly.” It’s worked for me so far and I’m a lot less worried.