Grace - I’m sorry. That is awfully painful to hear him lay out his various options.

Taking the emotion out the whole equation, the fact he is undecided between so many wildly varying plans shows you how messed up he is. This is where there’s that question of doormat vs. standing. If you were to have a guy you were dating tell you these options, how would you answer?

With my MLCer I put up with (way) more because there was a marriage and children at stake. But, in the end I knew I deserved better and was putting up with stuff I never would have accepted from a guy I was dating.

So, he thinks he has all these options at his fingertips like you are just sitting home on your hands waiting for him? Mine did the same. They are quite full of themselves - like teens who think the world revolves around their whims. If he chose you would you actually believe it given the other things he’s still mulling?!?!

That said, if we maintain our self respect and lose our marriages, we have not lost anything that was worth having.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced