Maybe she will be impressed again, maybe not. If she is impressed down the road, it's possible and maybe likely you will no longer be interested in her.
Somebody please post the dialogue from Swingers...
So i basically have to stop trying to impress her and try to impress myself with any progress i make? Which she will in turn, most likely, start to be impressed again
My relationship's only 2 years old, and even then my partner's slow to believe changes are permanent. She's right to be skeptical! Some of my initial changes were just to impress her, and those dropped off. Others were for me and those keep going and I've added more of those to my queue.
Yes, you work on yourself to impress yourself. You work on yourself so that you can take a step back and say "I changed for myself, I bettered myself for myself, I did that, all by my damn self and for me"
Once you get to the point where you love yourself and are happy with yourself because you know you changed and know you are a better man, you will not care what she thinks.
Yes you can have hope that she may come back. But again, that is not your drive.
You need to accept that shes gone. Its done, its over.
Pull your pants up and do things that make you happy. It takes a lot of work to get to the point where you are content with any outcome. But you can do it and if you focus on yourself and drop any and all expectations that there is something you will do that will magically make her snap out of it.
You will know that you are detached because her actions will not affect your emotions. You will essentially be indifferent to what she does. It wont affect you. You will be strong and happy no matter what.
But you need to understand that it will take strength, courage and time to get there.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
So status update, she hasn’t mentioned divorce for over a month now, or me moving out, but she is sleeping in a different room and has me blocked on facebook but still has my last name on there. Fast forward to yesterday, she said she thought it was funny my dad blocked her on facebook, he didn’t block her so idk where she got that idea from, that was the second time she mentioned it, idk why it would be so important to her anyways. She followed that up asking “so you’re not talking to any girls?” I said no and she asked why, it caught me off guard so i didn’t know how to respond to that, things have improved, she is saying thank you when i do things for her and is sitting on the same couch as me, where before she would sit on a different couch and have the coldest attitude towards me. A little back ground to everything, august 11th was the last day she took her anti depressant pill, since then things have improved between us overall, there are still days where she doesn’t seem very talkative. Since i last posted here she has changed jobs, she basically got fired from her previous job by taking a leave that didn’t get approved, but she was most likely going to get fired since she had been late so many times, she had become an alcoholic and started smoking weed, all very unlike her, she hasn’t been drinking as much, still more than she used to. I’m confused though, why would she care if my dad blocked her, and more importantly why ask if i’m talking to any girls then ask why not? We are still married, i called the courthouse to confirm this, and she hasn’t so much as mentioned divorce (i don’t remember if i mentioned it but she had the papers but then lost them and blamed me, she said she would just get them reprinted but she never did)
At least once a week we get a question about WWs asking if there is anyone else. They don’t want the LBS but they also don’t want anyone else to have them in case they need to fall back on them as plan b.
^^^Yup^^^ She doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either.
As for your dad blocking her (or her perception of that), that's just paranoia. She's spinning scenarios in her head, wondering if you're turning people against her. Your response was good- just act like you have no idea what she's talking about and leave it at that. No need to defend yourself or your dad or anyone else, she fired you as H so that kind of thing no longer warrants a marital discussion.
So it now seems to me my wife may be bipolar, how does that affect any of this?
Is this a medical diagnosis or are you guessing based on her behavior? If it's a medical diagnosis and she starts getting treatment then it may help, but it will take months. Just keep on DB'ing!
There’s been a lot of confusion lately, i left October 8th, she blames me for doing something i didn’t do, says i swapped her meds but i didn’t do it. She said all these things, that i ruined her life and she never wants to see or talk to me again and that she was gonna get a restraining order, she even accused my mom of telling me to swap her pills. So she wanted me out when i came by a few days later she acted ‘normal’ and was acting like nothing was happening since my mom was there, and made small talk with her like she normally would. She was adamant that i was signing her divorce papers, i went a long with it and said i’ll have a lawyer look at them (she printed them off online) and she replied saying i don’t trust you with my papers, then when i got there i saw the papers on the table, but she had to leave to pick her cousin up from work and they were gone after that, she never mentioned them again, my mom even brought up that we would get a lawyer to look at them and she just said ok but never showed them to us, i left and a week after i left she tagged my mom in a fb post, it was pics of me and my wife on one of our trips (strange). She seemed to find any reason she could to get me to talk to her or to see me, but being all around confusing and making no sense. Since i left she’s had ENORMOUS amounts of weed, and possibly other drugs and pills but not sure. She keeps showing up at my work and my parents house (where i’m having to stay) whenever i don’t reply to her. She was blowing me up about when i’m getting the dogs due to them acting up, then blowed me up about when i’m bringing them back, now i have them again and she hasn’t tried talking to me for 2 weeks now, since the last time she showed up at my work. The first time she showed up my work she was asking if i took her vape pen, i didn’t know she had one even as she never smokes cigs, or weed, or did anything like that, she claims it was a cbd pen but my friends said it was for thc and gets you really high, she started breaking down for the pen back and was begging and crying for it, never seen her like that before. The second time she came to my work was due to her car not working properly, she acted like we were together and was expecting me to help fix it, she also kept saying things like “since you don’t message me back” and saying how annoying that is, but hasn’t tried talking to me since then, her mom came into my work to buy something and when she walked in and walked out she was looking down at the ground instead of looking at me, like trying her hardest not to look at me, i wanna say she was embarrassed about my wifes behavior but idk. She’s been logging into my fb, last time she did was yesterday, and this is where things are really confusing, today she updated her relationship status from single to in a relationship then hid it where nobody can see when she posted it, so now her fb says in a relationship but she still has me blocked, but is friends with all my friends and family and her people are still friends with me, she also still has my last name, she hasn’t tried talking to me even about the dogs or the divorce or anything. Her lifes been falling apart without me there, hasn’t paid any bills, not even her car payment, it’s up for repossession, she had been saying her car payment is the only payment that matters to her, she’s had to move in with her mom, is broke all the time, despite not paying any of her bills, i know this because i keep getting calls from 10 different credit cards and companies about her not paying and the accounts being over the max. She logged onto my fb the day before she updated her relationship, i still have my ring on and have her in my fb profile and also still have myself as married
A little story to support that i feel she hasn’t been in her right mind. One day my wife, her sister and her kids, and me were all shopping together, her sisters husband got off work and came to take their kids home but only one wanted to go so he took that one. Few hours later we get to their house and her sisters husband is running out the house absolutely freaking out, find out that the kid he took home wanted to go on the trampoline in the front yard (they live on a busy road in a bad part of town with a lot of crime, and she’s not even 5 years old) he let her while he stayed inside playing xbox and when he went out front she wasn't there, and that’s around the time we were pulling up. Her sister starts breaking down crying uncontrollably, the neighbors start looking around the neighborhood, me and my wife drive up the street to look and while i’m driving and looking my wife is just sitting there, not looking and has her arms crossed looking mad, but not mad about one of her nieces missing, more mad that we were having to waste our time looking for her. I asked her what should we do and she just shrugged her shoulders. Turns out the kid was in the backyard all along, my wife doesn’t look relieved or get out to hug her niece or say she loves them or even tells any of them bye, didn’t comfort her sister or anything, she just sat in the front seat and said “can we go now” with the coldest attitude ever
