If he chooses #2, I think it’s time for me to file for D. Actually. I’m going to ask him to.
And I think I’ll be o.k. with that. But that's today. The thought doesn't cause me the anxiety it used to.
I had a bit of time before I meet my friend for drinks and dinner, and re-read what I wrote. Since posting last time, I have reflected on this statement a bit.
I'm not "O.K." with it. I'm not o.k. with him wanting to live with another woman before he even tells me he wants a D. I'm not o.k. with his vague (and not so vague) references to "ending it all". It pisses me off.
It hurts, too.
Fleeting thoughts of me not ever being good enough to be faithful for. (although they are fleeting, as I truly know it's his deficit, not mine).
And I'm not o.k. with D. Read someone else's post on another thread that talked about how people just throw away relationships. It's true. So many see them as disposable.
It's very hard to truly understand the mind in crisis. In distress.
I'm glad I'm put together, level headed. Find joy. Have friends.
I'm glad I'm not in H's shoes.
Maybe I'm right were I need to be today.
Still suc*** sometimes.
P.S.
OW's house sold. So the pressure is on. I think he will cave. His life. Not mine. Time will bring answers
