Divorce/WAW due to my infidelity Part 2

[Ready2Change]

[quote=crdcheck]
W "I don't care about your words. I care about your willingness to compromise which I don't see"
Me: "I'm sorry that you feel that way. I know that I am compromising on a lot and being deliberate about where I choose to maintain my position"
W: "I don't see where you've compromised. And I haven't held my position on a single thing."
Me: "We have very different perspectives on this. Just so I make sure I heard you correctly, you feel as if you have compromised on every issue and I have compromised on no issues. Is that right?, I'm clear, are you saying that you don't see a single place I've compromised since beginning mediation?"
W: "You aren't home are you?"
Me: "No"
[END: I was out with a couple of friends for drinks and then dinner]

I was going to post the same thing. Filter yourself. It is all about listening skills right now.




It is amazing to me that those text message could have been written by my X. Exact same type of communication style. Things are better after 10 years, but....




My latest:
X:"I've switched jobs and have the opportunity to add the kids to my health and dental plan at your expense. Your monthly expense would be BLA BLA.. this would be effective sept 1. Do you want me to sign them up under my plan?? I NEED TO KNOW BY TOMORROW MORNING."
ME:(6 hours later..I was packing for this trip):"When you don't share the details it is hard to compare to the current plan...don't sign them up"
X:"Fine - what other details do you need? Also, DO THEY HAVE DENTAL INSURANCE?? Both I and orthodontist have been ask this for the past year without an answer..."
Me:"I sent you a copy of the medical card on July 10 2018. They do have dental coverage...As I have told you before, ortho is not covered by the plan...."
ME:"sent you an email" [the email had attachments to over view of what was covered by my plans. I asked her to send me copies of her plan overview so we both could review] (Crickets from her)

I ran through the same exercise when I was getting the new plans setup with my employer. I asked for copies of her current plan and she responds "It is not very good" no details.



I guess my point is that communication is always hard, people get confused. Even worse when emotions are involved. Learn as many communication skills right now with W. You drive the change in communication style. You help reduce the confusion. You listen to understand. You take time to think about what the other person said.

I am not saying you agree to anything. You just let her know that you heard her.

W:"Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla"
H:"If I understand correctly. you feel angry about BLA BLA BLA?
W:"NO.>>Bla bla bla bla bla"
H:"Ah that helps. thanks for clarifying"
W:"Well, what are you going to do???"
H:"I need time to think about what you said. I will let you when I decide"
W:"Bla bla bla answer right now bla bla you never bla bla bla controling bla bla"
H:"I am sorry you feel that way"