Hallzy - I have heard of a process called "collaborative divorce" which is somewhere between mediation and going to court. There is still a mediator, but each side has advisors helping them out. In some cases these things get crazy - lawyers, advisors, psychiatrists, etc. In your scenario, perhaps you could agree to mediation with separate financial reps advising you on that part of the process. Check out CDFAs (I think that's what they are called). Talk to your mediator, together, about your options?
Ultimately I would expect you will need to compromise somewhat because those calculators can be tuned to spit out quite a range of numbers.
